Oh the Conversations I Have.....

I started watching Jeremy and his brother Justin when they were 7 and 3 years old, respectfully.  I mostly conversed with Jeremy while driving to his many appointments. Ok, so it was primarily Jeremy talking and me nodding my head or occasionally saying things such as "I see" or "cool".   Usually these revolved around him perseverating about a past event or a recitation of baseball stats (usually those of the Yankees) or football stats (he's a Jets fan) depending on the season we were in.  Justin often talked to me about what he was learning at daycare or an episode of the PowerPuff Girls.  Ah, those were the days.......

Now Jeremy is 10 years old and Justin is 6.  While sitting down with Justin during his snack he told me "you shouldn't have some alcohol and then drive.  My camp counselor's son was killed on his motocycle by someone who was drinking and driving."  Thus began a conversation about drinking and driving.  Later, while driving Jeremy to his OT appointment he asked me "What does groping mean?"  When I asked him where he had heard that term he told me that on the news last night it said the police were looking for a teenage boy accused of groping a girl.  Good grief.  On the plus side, it gave me the opportunity to explain why it's really, really important to keep our hands to ourselves (something that has been an issue lately).  Later I got the run-down on which rap stars went to prison and why followed by how various actors and musicians have died or been killed.  As boring as they were at the time, some days I really do miss hearing baseball and football stats.

The last few months have been filled with discussions about why God allows people to have disabilities such as Autism and Touretts Syndrome, along with the importance of not allowing our emotions to control our actions.  Lately all of these conversations have brought to my mind the verse in the Bible talking about how we need to have a ready answer for everyone who asks.  Not that all of my conversations with the boys discuss my faith (although occasionally they do) but they do make it even more apparant to me how my words impact others.  Especially since Jeremy has an uncanny ability to repeat verbatim what I said months later.  More importantly though, I need to make sure that my actions are consistent with my words. 

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Colossians 4:5-6

Taking the Plunge

I always thought it was cool that Peter walked on water to get to Jesus, but I now have a new appreciation for how hard that must have been considering the effort it took for Ray and my friends to coax me into jumping off of a divingboard into the water.  To help you understand the significance of this event, let me give you some history.

My first memory of the water is being around 3 or 4 and sitting on the dock completely terrified of the lake we were vacationing at.  I'm not exactly sure why I was terrified or have been fearful of the water ever since.  It's not like I suffered some traumatic event, but I was never really comfortable being in water.  In fact, many of my nightmares revolve around my house/apartment being flooded by a surging river or some horrific storm and me trying to escape from drowning.
While I was growing up we always stayed at motels with swimming pools.  My dad tried to teach me how to swim, but my anxiety prevented me from doing much more than clinging to the side of the pool with floatation devices around my arms.  When I was 17 I actually did learn how to swim.  Don't ask me how I did it.  I do remember going out to a lake with my grandparents' friends and their granddaughter and somehow I remember leaving confident that I could swim.  Well, I could move my arms, kick my feet, and stay above water, but I couldn't go underwater....forget about jumping into a pool.  Still, I really enjoyed swimming and during the summer inbetween my junior and senior year of college I would go to the community college's pool almost everyday and swim laps for an hour.

Fast forward about ten years later.  Ray and I were visiting friends.  They have a really nice pool with a diving board.  Everyone was jumping in, but I waded in.  When I was asked about why I didn't just jump in I admitted that I had never jumped in and that I was afraid of jumping in.  They didn't push me.  That was last summer.  This summer I had made up my mind that I was going to jump in their pool.  I didn't tell anyone my resolve, even Ray.  Nevertheless, the issue came up again this past weekend about why I never jump in.  Unlike last summer, it was just Ray, our friends, and me.  A totally safe enviornment for me to try jumping in.  Oh....did I mention that Ray spent his summer as a lifeguard????  If you're going to jump into a pool for the first time you should definitely have a certified lifeguard with you! :D

I had no idea that jumping in would be so hard.  Seriously....it took me something like 15 minutes to just get on the divingboard.  Jumping in?  I think it took the better part of an hour of everyone encouraging me - even giving me verses such as "I can do all things through Christ."  I wanted to jump in.  I could even picture myself jumping in.  Yet I could still feel the chains of fear wrapped around my ankles.  I kept praying that God would help me to jump.  

Do you want to know what finally got me to jump in?  Ray said that if I didn't jump in that he would stop cooking for me.  Go figure.  Have I mentioned what a good cook he is?  Even if sometime snails are on the menu :p.  Anyway, I asked him to count to 3 and after he did I jumped.  There were cheers of joy and as soon as I hit the water Ray swam over and grabbed me before I started panicking. 

After all was said and done it felt great.  I mean, I stayed in a state of shock for the rest of the day.  Kinda like after the first time Ray kissed me....so it was a good kind of shock :).  I've already decided that the next time we go over to our friends' house to swim, I will just jump in.  After that we can work on diving.  One step at a time!

Quick Updates

I still haven't heard anything regarding the reading teacher position at my school, however, I did get my contract for next year and they "accidently" gave me a rather significant raise (over an addition $1/hr).  Don't tell the district :).

Ray is currently working doing roofing/construction for another company.  I'm not sure how long this job will last, but we'll take whatever God provides!

My landlady is agreeing to let me stay another year.  I still haven't signed the new lease yet because we both never seem to be home at the same time.  As far as I know my rent should be staying the same.

Cover Letters

Tis the season....the resume and cover letter season that is!  It seems that school districts advertise numerous job postings during the months of April and May.  There's a website that I go on which allows me to click on a specific job and upload my resume and job specific cover letter to them.  Although the cover letter is optional, it is much better to include it.  Not that this has landed me an "actual" teaching job (it is my opinion that I do actually teach, I just don't receive the salary or benefits....oh, and I don't have to do lesson plans or conferences).  Normally the process is one in which I do my best to put a coherent and personal letter together in the midst of my crazy schedule - you know, somewhere around midnight after I've been working 10-12 hours.  Reminds me of college except that I never get to see my grades.

This week, however, I'm attempting something a little different.  The district in which I currently work for is looking for a reading teacher with prior professional development experience.  I possess the credentials, minus the experience part.  The teacher I work with is highly supportive of me applying for the position.  I have already expressed interest in the position to my principal, but at the time the position wasn't listed as available.  The position was recently listed on the website and my job this week is to not only apply, but to write a cover letter that conveys my current strengths/skills for this particular position to the superintendant.  Considering that I'm not entirely sure that I'm capable of doing this job ("Hi, my name is Carol and I'm a pessimist.") this task seems quite daunting.  So....if you think of it, please pray for the right words to write and time in which to write this.

As a side note: In case you're wondering about Ray's job situation, I wish I had an answer. There has been some unexpected delays.  Hey, no news is good news, right?  Regardless of the answer, I know that God knows our hearts and dreams better than even we do and that He ALWAYS has our best interests at stake.  He can also make the seemingly impossible possible. 

Vacation

This week I've been on vacation.  I was recently asked what I do when I have some free time - which is very rare.  I used to spend vacations traveling, but I haven't been able to do that in years.  So, in case you're also curious how I spend a week off, here's what I've done so far: sleep in until 9 or 10am, go to the mall, go to the doctor for a routine checkup, schedule another dr appt, call Albany and try to figure out how to apply for a time extension on my literacy certificate, watch movies, clean, babysit, tutor, apply for jobs starting in September, attempt to catch up with friends, and read.  Just to clarify the cleaning bit - I do clean on a regular basis, but the cleaning I do on vacation involves dusting, mopping, vacuuming up cobwebs, and putting snowmen decorations away; a process that also invloves organizing the crawl space housing all things seasonal :(.  It's not highly exciting, but it has been very nice to go at a more leisurely pace instead of the constant running around I normally do :)

I wish I had gotten a picture of "Chippy" before we captured him - oh well.  I especially wished I had had my camera when I walked into my bedroom and saw Meiska and him sitting next to each other.  Meiska has a personality which makes her want to befriend all types of animals.  I'm glad she doesn't live outdoors or she'd never survive!

In case you're wondering who Chippy is, he is a chipmunk who came to live with me for a few days.  I discovered him when a rustling sound woke me up in the middle of Tuesday night.  I usually lock my cats out of the bedroom while I'm sleeping, so at first I thought maybe Jekyll had somehow gotten into my room and was misbehaving again.  I keep a flashlight near my bed for such occasions.  When I shone it around the room however, what I saw made me sit straight up and nearly scream.  There was a chipmunk sitting on my laundry basket.  He quickly ran away to another corner of my bedroom.  Ray let the cats in to investigate.  Jekyll immediately smelled Chippy and kept him cornered under a nightstand.  Since it was after 3am we decided it would be best to just let the cats stand guard.  Believe me, I hardly got any sleep that night.

Ray spent the next day working on my apartment while Jekyll kept watch over Chippy and I went to work.  The next night I barely heard any sounds, but around 4am there ensued a game of "tag" between Jekyll and Chippy.  I didn't get up to see what was happening, but I kept having visions of finding a dead chipmunk in the morning.  The next night went similarly, but this time I was awake enough to see the game of tag.  Chippy was getting bold enough to jump on the bed (thankfully I wasn't in it).  I saw him leap from my garment rack, climb up my dresser and onto the printer.  Only I would have a chipmunk with ninja-like abilities.  Meiska was sitting next to the printer at the time so I thought Chippy might be captured right then and there, but the two of them just sat there like old pals.  Goodness.

Ray finally managed to capture Chippy late Friday night.  Chippy was on top of my garment rack and Ray was able to cover him with his hand until I got a tupperware container.  Chippy almost escaped except that I store the plastic that goes over your dry cleaning on top of the rack and in his attempt to escape managed to get tangled in that.  Ray put Chippy in the tupperware container and carried him outside.  At first I was concerned that Chippy would remember how to get back in, but we've made it through the weekend chipmunk-free :D.

My Birthday

My birthday passed a couple of weeks ago and there's really not a whole lot to say on the matter.  I spent New Year's Eve hanging out with friends, woke up late on my birthday, spent the day browsing at the mall, had dinner with Ray and his parents, and ended the night watching a movie with Ray.  It was a fairly good birthday, but the part that I especially appreciated was the cake.  It was the one request I gave Ray.  Lately his time has been consumed between working on a kitchen project in my apartment (pics and details will be posted after completion) and working with his friend on a major remodeling job.  Needless to say I have no idea when he had time to make me a cake.  And not just any cake - a double layer chocolate cake with a peanut butter filling, chocolate frosting with peanut butter drizzle, and a border of mini reeces peanut butter cups.

I should have taken a picture before he cut it.  This is what it looked like after the majority had been eaten and some of the frosting had somehow melted, but hopefully you get the idea.  It was delicious!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! This year I went to Staten Island on Christmas Eve.  It was nice to spend the evening with my parents and grandmother.  Christmas Day was spent at Ray's parents' house with them, his two sisters, and brother-in-law.  The food was good and the atmosphere relaxing.  I can't complain, but I do have to confess that I came away disappointed.

Every year my mom asks me what I want for Christmas.  I try to keep things to a minimum and only ask for "necessities".  These are things which I could really use, but find it hard to find money in the budget for them.  I figure if she's asking for a list, then I'll get what I want on the list, right?  It never happens and this year was no exception.  In case you're wondering, my list included a space heater, a pair of slippers, a bathmat, and dunkin donuts coffee.  The coffee really wasn't necessary, but I figured I'd include a nice treat on there.  Out of that list I received four bags of dunkin donuts coffee.  I received other gifts too, but I was really looking forward to getting new slippers since my last ones got completely ruined and I've been supplementing by wearing two pairs of socks when I'm home.  The space heater would have been nice because I can only heat either the living room or the bedroom at one time.  Although it's doubtful that my landlady appreciates me using a space heater at all (in my opinion the heat should be more than 62 in my apartment, just saying), so maybe getting a second space heater would have created more tension between us.

It didn't help that for a week before Christmas the other teachers/t.a.'s were all talking about the elaborate presents they "needed" to get in order to be happy and that on Christmas day all I saw were pictures of people getting really nice gifts and texts from people about the great presents they received.  However, that's really not what Christmas is all about in the first place.  It's really about celebrating Christ's birth and being together with family.  Besides, after listening to a friend's story about how she cried Christmas Eve because she had too many family get togethers to go to and her family was upset with her, I realized that one of my many blessings was to have two families that don't fight over where I should be and that I could relax and be myself with both of them.  After I got home and assembled all of my presents I also realized that I received more gifts than I knew what to do with.

Today I went to Target and used my gift cards.  I got the bathmat I had been looking at (on sale!).  I didn't find any slippers that I wanted, but I was able to get two pairs of really nice warm winter boots on clearance.  As for the space heater, I still don't have any money in the budget for the one I'd like, but yesterday my heat stayed on at 70 the entire day.    Sometimes you just have to wait for what you'd like, and sometimes we get what we need - just not the way we expected it.

What I've been up to lately

I haven't been writing too much about my life lately.  For anyone interested, here are some "snapshots" of my life.

Job: I'm back working at the elementary school with 1st-3rd grade autistic/special needs children.  It's basically the same class as last year.  I work with the same teacher and assistants.  For the most part it's been a very smooth transition back and I've actually been able to see some growth in the students.  A separate kindergarten autistic/special needs class has been added to the school.  We go to lunch and gym with them.  Gym days are by far the more exhausting of my days as the kids give me quite a workout!

I continue to babysit Jeremy in the afternoons.  He's made so much progress since I began working with him 2 years ago!  He's now in the 4th grade and loves school.  He still doesn't love hw, but will do half of it while I'm there without having a temper tantrum.  He's moved on from going to social group and occupational therapy to tennis and counseling.  He used to throw really bad temper tantrums when going out places, especially OT.  These days he's very willing to come with me and can handle the ride without the aide of his ds or ipod.  He's also become more independent and flexible when it comes to plans changing.  The hardest part of my evening is when his brother (who just started kindergarten) comes home.  That's when I have to make sure both of them are playing nicely or separated until dinnertime.

Health:   Generally I've been in pretty good health.  This week probably isn't the best example since I had two migraines and a stomach bug that landed me in bed for 36 hours.  Aside from that my migraines have been very minimal and I've had enough energy to handle my very busy days.

Dating Life: No complaints :).  We're reaching the 7 month mark.  Most of our time is spent hanging out and watching a movie or talking over coffee at the end of the day.  My favorite times are when he cooks me dinner.

Family: My dad retired at the end of June.  It's a good thing too because due to the stress he needs his mitral valve replaced.  This month he'll have a stress test and then the doctors and my parents will figure out when his surgery will be.  Right now they're on a cruise and then they'll be visiting my aunt and uncle in Texas. 

Free Time:  Hmmm...what's that? :)  When I do have some time to myself I'm usually out for a walk, talking on the phone with friends, or visiting with friends.  Oh...and cleaning :p.  Not usually my favorite thing to do, but I love the end result!

I finally got my camera to work (sort of).  Turns out that I was missing my memory card before.  Now I just need some new batteries.  Anyway, before the batteries died, I was able to take pics of my new place. 

This is my hallway as seen from my living room.  The door with all the purses/coats is the door to the stairs and the outside.

This is the hallway from as seen from the other side. The cabinet on the right is my kitchen pantry.  Across from the pantry is....

the kitchen.

Now we're entering the livingroom.  Notice the new futon....$150 on craigslist.  Ray was able to position it so that it's more like a loveseat recliner.  It folds down completely to be a queen-size bed.  It's VERY comfortable.  Oh, the side with all of the remotes....yep, that's "Ray's side" :)

I have 4 crawl spaces in my apartment.  Two in the living room and two in the bedroom.  The one pictured here is the only one I leave open because it's a great place for the liter box (even though I do have to crawl into it to clean it).  Ray built a wall to make sure the cats don't explore too much as well as stapled a plastic tarp down.  This makes it easier to sweep up liter and any "accidents" the cats may have.

Yes, my refrigerator is in the livingroom.  Please try not to notice the mess :)

In case you were wondering, I have hit my head very hard on several occasions on the low ceiling. 

This is my very unorganized pantry....it's a work in progress.

Summer Firsts

This summer has been one in which I've done an array of things for the first time.  These include:

1) Going on a carnival spinning ride (pictured above).  In case you're not familiar with it, this ride swings back and forth like the familiar pirate ship while spinning around.  I went on it at night with Ray because he loves spinning rides.  I think he has permenant marks on his legs from where my fingers dug into him and is now deaf in his right ear from my constant screams.  I survived though:).  I was, however, a little traumatized and refused to go on another spinning ride afterwards.  I think I could handle one a night.  Next challenge: a rollar coaster.


2) Driving to/through Long Island: I've been to Long Island a couple of times, but have never actually driven myself there.  I went for Ray's family's get-together.

3) Eating a lobster tempura sushi roll with chopsticks.  Best thing ever!!!  Once you get it in your mouth that is :).

4) Being in a healthy dating relationship.

5) Making coffee in a 12 cup programmable coffeemaker.  I know, I know....I should have had one of these a LONG time ago.  Previously I either went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee or I made it in a single cup coffeemaker - and not the K-cup kind either.  It had a reusable filter that I had to rinse out each time I wanted another cup, the water never got very hot, and it wasn't programmable.  My mornings have been much improved because of this new addition.

6) Not getting a sunburn and having an actual tan.

7) Being financially stable.  This isn't to say that I'm rolling in money, but this is the first summer that I'm not behind on my rent/bills.  I can't say for sure how long this will last, but for right now I'm loving not being overly stressed about my lack of funds.