Since college I have moved 4 times - all of which have been my choice. I am beginning the process of starting a 5th move. This time it isn't my choice. My landlords have decided to sell their house. Currently they are deciding as to whether I need to move out before they start showing the house in April or if they want me to stay on as their tenant until the house sells (whenever that is) and hire a cleaning lady for the whole house to make sure it stays in "show" condition.
I have already started looking for apartments, but the options are slim right now. I don't know how long I'll have to pack, or how much I should be packing. Not that it matters since I don't have any boxes yet. The only thing I can do right now is clean and de-clutter - never a bad process even if a move wasn't impending. And pray - for guidance as to the right place, the right timing, the time needed to clean/organize/pack, the strength/motivation to move once again, and the financial resources necessary to undo some of my cats' damage to my current apartment as well as afford a new place.
I recently read the following in a devotional: "Desperate dependence is where you surrender, not to the circumstances or to loss, but to God. Desperate dependence is the place where we can stop living by our own power. It's where we discover God's strength in and through us."
Today I'm depending on Him....and looking forward to seeing how He will work everything out for me.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
It's been an intense week back after my winter break from work. Monday actually went pretty well (I think we were all in shock after having a week off), so I should say it's been an intense two days.
The class I work in now consists of 11 full day students and 2 half day students - meaning that in the afternoon we have a grand total of 13 kids: 12 boys and 1 girl. This means that if one student is even remotely off, the rest go off as well and the room can get very loud. We've had several meltdowns, a few children vomiting (not because they're sick, mind you), and one child who just pulled down his pants in the middle of recess and attempted to pee on one of the other kids - simply because it amused him.
Not only are the students stressed, but the staff is stressed as well. The teacher, Kerri, is going through cse annual reviews (think parent-teacher conference that includes various chair-people from the district offices, in addition to creating various lesson plans for the new students, and all other teaching duties. The younger assistant, Jessica (she's 25), just broke up with her boyfriend over break and found out that her roommate has moved in with her boyfriend and is engaged to be married to him in October and she wants Jessica to be her maid of honor. In addition to the emotional stress she's handling, Jessica has to figure out where to live come October. She's also going to school for her master's degree. The other asssistant, Ada (she's 37), just found out that her father is dying. She will be flying to the Dominican Republic tomorrow evening - leaving her husband and two children back here. She may be gone only a few days, but it could also be longer. She wants to take her father back to the States with her so that the doctor's here can treat him, but at the moment he wants to stay in the DR. Typically we don't get substitutes when any of the assistants need a day off. Since Ada will be taking more than one day off I'm not sure if we will actually resort to using a sub.
Either way....the next few days are going to be just as stressful as the last two for me. Any and all prayers for everyone in the classroom that I work in are appreciated.
The class I work in now consists of 11 full day students and 2 half day students - meaning that in the afternoon we have a grand total of 13 kids: 12 boys and 1 girl. This means that if one student is even remotely off, the rest go off as well and the room can get very loud. We've had several meltdowns, a few children vomiting (not because they're sick, mind you), and one child who just pulled down his pants in the middle of recess and attempted to pee on one of the other kids - simply because it amused him.
Not only are the students stressed, but the staff is stressed as well. The teacher, Kerri, is going through cse annual reviews (think parent-teacher conference that includes various chair-people from the district offices, in addition to creating various lesson plans for the new students, and all other teaching duties. The younger assistant, Jessica (she's 25), just broke up with her boyfriend over break and found out that her roommate has moved in with her boyfriend and is engaged to be married to him in October and she wants Jessica to be her maid of honor. In addition to the emotional stress she's handling, Jessica has to figure out where to live come October. She's also going to school for her master's degree. The other asssistant, Ada (she's 37), just found out that her father is dying. She will be flying to the Dominican Republic tomorrow evening - leaving her husband and two children back here. She may be gone only a few days, but it could also be longer. She wants to take her father back to the States with her so that the doctor's here can treat him, but at the moment he wants to stay in the DR. Typically we don't get substitutes when any of the assistants need a day off. Since Ada will be taking more than one day off I'm not sure if we will actually resort to using a sub.
Either way....the next few days are going to be just as stressful as the last two for me. Any and all prayers for everyone in the classroom that I work in are appreciated.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Grace
Just one more
taste
text
smoke
drink
bet
look
Just one more time.
The desire is so urgent; so immanent
The fulfillment is so fleeting; so superficial
Just one more time
then I'll quit.
This time for good.
I can do it
you'll see,
but first let me do this
just one more time.
Guilt shrouds around me
a cloak too heavy to wear.
I stumble under its weight
and my heart aches;
longing to fill the void
I reach once again for
the phone
cigarette
glass
ticket
remote
telling myself
just one more time.
My will is too weak
so I cry out to You.
Undeserving, unworthy
humble, repentent.
You hear my cry;
see my heart
and You alone give me strength
to make it the next hour.
Though I may still stumble,
Your grace intercedes
and flows over me
like a spring rain.
In the words of a good friend "Only God can relieve an obsession....if we let Him".
taste
text
smoke
drink
bet
look
Just one more time.
The desire is so urgent; so immanent
The fulfillment is so fleeting; so superficial
Just one more time
then I'll quit.
This time for good.
I can do it
you'll see,
but first let me do this
just one more time.
Guilt shrouds around me
a cloak too heavy to wear.
I stumble under its weight
and my heart aches;
longing to fill the void
I reach once again for
the phone
cigarette
glass
ticket
remote
telling myself
just one more time.
My will is too weak
so I cry out to You.
Undeserving, unworthy
humble, repentent.
You hear my cry;
see my heart
and You alone give me strength
to make it the next hour.
Though I may still stumble,
Your grace intercedes
and flows over me
like a spring rain.
In the words of a good friend "Only God can relieve an obsession....if we let Him".
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