Nine months ago I got married. There are two camps of thought on the first year of marriage. It is either the happiest time (honeymoon stage) or the hardest time. I never envisioned a fairy-tale romance because intellectually I knew that marriage was hard work. I didn't understand just how hard that work would be.
In these past nine months we've struggled with moving and renovating a house that we'd like to buy, but are renting for now because at the moment there is no way any bank is giving us a mortgage and even the programs that are supposed to help couples struggling to get a mortgage won't accept us based on our income to debt ratio. We've struggled with infertility, depression, anger, rejection, hurt feelings, miscommunication, and trust. It's been a crash course in stress and a test of my faith greater than anything I've had to overcome so far.
I know that this post sounds rather depressing. I don't mean to sound as if there haven't been good times, because there have. Being in the middle of a hard place however makes the good times seem like shadows that I have to strain to see. All this to say that here's what I've been learning in these nine months.
1) Pray, pray, and then pray some more. I honestly don't know how marriages today survive apart from God's grace and much prayer. I am very thankful for my prayer warriors who stand in the gap for me when I don't seem to have the strength to do much more than cry.
2) Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Recently we started going to counseling. It's helpful to know that there is another person helping us to navigate these waters.
3) Fighting for a healthy marriage is worth it. Satan wants nothing more than to bring up things from the past and keep us in bondage to our sin. The divorce rate among Christians is just as high as the rest of the world. I believe that having a healthy, strong marriage in today's society is a testimony of God's work in our lives and so I'm committed to doing whatever it takes.
4) Savor the good times. Hold onto the memories. Life is not meant to be stagnant. Right now we're in a hard season. It's not always easy for me to remember why I love Ray, but it's vital that I do. Dwelling on the negative never gets me anywhere.
5) Rejoice no matter what season I'm in. God still cares about me, Ray, and our marriage. He will never change and for that I can rejoice.
I'm looking forward to the day that I can write how we made it through this season and that we're stronger because of it. Until then....please keep praying.
