A Change of Heart

The phrase "things are never quite what they appear" comes to mind as I write this.  When I originally saw this apartment I liked it.  It had two separate rooms, a kitchen, it was cute, the price was right, and my cats were allowed.  I also liked the idea of not living in a basement.  Of course I was also very sick at the time.  Let this be a lesson to you: don't agree to take an apartment in-between fits of vomitting.

Anyway, I signed the lease and moved in.  Then several things became very apparant.  The first thing I noticed was the multitude of ants in my living room.  It seems they had a lease agreement too.  Then there was the bathroom that wasn't cleaned out, not to mention a missing screen in the bathroom window.  Over time, Ray and I noticed the missing smoke/carbon monoxide detector and the fact that even if I turned the stairway light on before I left the house at night it would always be "accidently" turned off by the time I got home.  I started getting texts asking me not to keep any lights on when I wasn't home (including the hall light so I could see SOMETHING when I walked in).  There were holes in my kitchen wall, sockets that weren't screwed in very tightly, outlet cover plates that were all missing in the bedroom, severely peeling paint in the bathroom, and a kitchen light that only turns on if the hall light has been turned on. 

Thankfully the ants and the messy bathroom were quickly taken care of with ant traps and the use of my landlady's maid for a day. Ray took care of replacing outlet covers. The rest....well....I gave my landlady a list at the beginning of August of the above safety concerns/repairs that needed to be made.  I left it alone for two weeks.  I then sent her a text asking on her thoughts about the list.  She responded that she threw my list out without reading it and asked if I could make her a new one.  I did and then gave her another week before asking her what her thoughts were.  She honestly didn't have many, but she did mention maybe getting an electrician to come in.  She also asked if I could buy the smoke detector, deduct it from my rent, and ask Ray if he would install it. 

I didn't have a problem with this, but Ray did want my landlady to pay for his time spent installing the detector.  His reasoning was that since it was a legal requirement, it was her responsibility to have it installed and if she wasn't going to install it herself, then she'd probably be paying someone else to install it.  I sent my landlady a text telling her what the situation was: Ray would be more than willing to install it for a fee or she could install it herself/get someone else to install it.  I wasn't mean, or threatening, just telling her the facts. 

Shortly after this I received a phone call from my landlady cursing me and Ray out.  I haven't been this verbally attacked since working customer service several years again.  Even so, I was getting paid to listen to what the customers said.  I was furious.  She called me a lier, said that she's never had a tenant who harrassed her so much or wanted so much changed in the apartment, and that I was running up her electric bill.  She then said I could have my deposit back.  She also mentioned that Ray had said some not so nice things to her daughter a few weeks ago.  I was speechless by the end.  Somehow I ended the conversation without cursing her out in return.  I wanted to cry and punch something at the same time.

After I was able to calm down, I started praying that somehow this would all get resolved peacefully.  Later that day, Ray and I went down to talk to my landlady again.  The conversation went better than I had hoped, but there was still quite a bit of tension in the air.  I continued to pray that somehow God would soften my landlady's heart.  The tension remained all through Monday. 

On Tuesday afternoon I came home and my landlady broke the silence by saying that she had talked with her daughter and it turned out that the incident between Ray and her daughter didn't happen the way she thought and that Ray's version of what happened was accurate.  She then apologized for the misunderstanding!  She further went on to say that someone would be by to install the smoke detector by the end of the week.

A few days ago, the smoke detector was installed and the other items on my list were addressed.  They haven't been fixed yet, but I've been told that they will be.  In the meantime, my landlady has been leaving the outside lights on for me every night and has even smiled at me - a living testimony that God does, indeed change hearts.

Nightblindness

Last night Ray was teaching in Florida, NY and I had agreed to pick him up.  He had given me the address the night before, so I went on mapquest and looked it up.  It seemed like a straight enough route: get off the exit, make a left, go six blocks and make a right.  Simple.....

I did just that....sort of.  I made a left off the exit and then started looking for the 6th block on the right.  Except I was in the middle of nowhere - no streetlights, no landmarks, just small green signs that I could barely see and couldn't read because I have nightblindness.  I had to slow the car down, much to the dismay of the people behind me who blew the horn at me several times.  At one point I panicked and turned around to go back to the exit.  All this did was allow one of the not so happy drivers behind me to pull up alongside of me and proceed to curse me out.  I was completely lost - or so I thought.

I ended up calling Ray to tell him of my predicament.  Turns out that I had been going in the right direction all along.  Seems I had mixed up 6 blocks with 6 miles!  I finally arrived at the center where he was working - slightly hysterical from my experience.  It got me thinking though....

There are times when I feel God leading me down a road and I feel so certain of my destination, but then the surroundings become unfamiliar and I can't see what's in front of me.  I wonder why it's taking me so long to get to my destination.  I panic, letting my fear take over.  I turn around and head for safety.  Sometimes I stay in this "safe" place because the fear of the unknown is too paralyzing for me to conquer on my own.  Which is why I desperately need God; it is only with His help that I can navigate these treacherous roads of life.  Whether it's starting a new job, moving to a new place, beginning a new relationship, or having a difficult conversation, I can only persevere by trusting that He knows the way better than I do.

These days I feel like I'm in one of those "safe" places again.  I'm just staying on the side of the road watching the cars pass by; unsure of which direction to take.  And so I pray for wisdom, guidance, and the courage to once again step out and travel the road of faith.

Upsurge

An ordinary day begins
nothing special
nothing tragic.
             Yet stress builds up:
                         pressure rises up like a wave
                             slamming against me with sudden force.
                                                              Anxiety swirls around me;
                                                                a whirlpool of the unknown.
                                                   Nerves, frayed around the edges,
                                                   threaten to completely unravel.
                                                                          Just one word
                                                                          one thought
                                                                         one look
                                                                 is all it takes
                                                    and I come undone
             carried away by the tide of my emotions
                                             into a perilous sea.

                                                               I kick and flail
                                                                      fighting for control;
                                                                       exhaustion takes over.
                                                                                        Starting to sink
                                                                            I utter a prayer of frustration;
                                                                                            "Jesus help me
                                                                                         I can't go on."
                                                                                Closing my eyes
                                                                              I give way;
                                                                surrender my will.

Slowly, subtly, the churning sea calms

and I float with the current.

Basking in the warmth of Your radiant light

You take my hand and together we walk on the waves.

"When you pass through the water, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."   Isaiah 43:2

I finally got my camera to work (sort of).  Turns out that I was missing my memory card before.  Now I just need some new batteries.  Anyway, before the batteries died, I was able to take pics of my new place. 

This is my hallway as seen from my living room.  The door with all the purses/coats is the door to the stairs and the outside.

This is the hallway from as seen from the other side. The cabinet on the right is my kitchen pantry.  Across from the pantry is....

the kitchen.

Now we're entering the livingroom.  Notice the new futon....$150 on craigslist.  Ray was able to position it so that it's more like a loveseat recliner.  It folds down completely to be a queen-size bed.  It's VERY comfortable.  Oh, the side with all of the remotes....yep, that's "Ray's side" :)

I have 4 crawl spaces in my apartment.  Two in the living room and two in the bedroom.  The one pictured here is the only one I leave open because it's a great place for the liter box (even though I do have to crawl into it to clean it).  Ray built a wall to make sure the cats don't explore too much as well as stapled a plastic tarp down.  This makes it easier to sweep up liter and any "accidents" the cats may have.

Yes, my refrigerator is in the livingroom.  Please try not to notice the mess :)

In case you were wondering, I have hit my head very hard on several occasions on the low ceiling. 

This is my very unorganized pantry....it's a work in progress.

God speaks

through pastors and speakers;

In sermons and hymns

on a Sunday morning and midweek services.

God speaks

through the miraculous.

Doubt changes to unwavering belief;

powerful testimonies soften stone hearts.

God speaks

through glorious sunsets,

skies lush with stars,

and caverns carved out of mountains.

God speaks

through the storm;

A rainbow reminding us

His promises are sure.

God speaks

through a comforting presence

in the midst of pain and grief;

a gentle, soothing whisper.

God speaks

through the lyrics of a song,

the laughter of a child,

words from a close friend.

God speaks

Are you listening?