Reflections of my Week

Praises:

1) That somehow I've made it through this week :)
2) On Monday Jack (2nd grader who is mute and bites) came off the bus in a horrible mood. I kept praying and asking God for His peace in the classroom and especially in Jack. With the exception of the first 1/2 hr, the rest of the day everyone was commenting on how good Jack was behaving. It was an amazing answer to prayer.
3) Jeremy transitioned well each day this week! This is great since he goes through 2 transitions in a short period of time. On Tues I literally come to his house, call in, grab snack, and get him in the car to drive to an appointment 45 min away. Jeremy was extremely cooperative and we made it to his appointment on-time (another answer to prayer).
4) I haven't seen any treatment of my students that seem borderline abusive. Previously I had seen the teacher force-feed a student to the point where he was crying, gagging, and begging her to stop.
5) The teacher I work with seems to be happier in general and also seems to have started actually respecting me.
6) I haven't had any migraines this week!

Requests:

1) That Jack would learn how to speak.
2) That the teachers in the classroom would continue to work as a team.
3) That I would not get sick from those students who have started developing colds this week.
4) That not only would Jeremy continue to transition well but that he would be able to complete all of his hw with his first babysitter (this is a goal of his mom's).
5) That I would continue to be able to schedule chiropractor appointments since I really don't have any time to schedule things between 8am and 7pm most days.
6) Wisdom in how I handle discipline with all of my kids.
7) This week was hard on me emotionally because I started beating myself up for everything that I perceived that I was doing wrong. Please pray that I would learn to be a little easier on myself and not feel guilty about everything all of the time.

The Simple Pleasure of Encouraging Words

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Proverbs 16:24

Now that fall truly is in the air it is quite common to find me wrapped in a blanket of some sort - whether I'm reading, watching a movie, or taking a nap - a blanket fills me with warmth and security. It is no wonder then that I own several blankets in various colors and thicknesses.

The Sunday School lesson I was teaching yesterday required a blanket as a prop. The theme of this month is respect and yesterday's topic was showing respect to others with your words. The blanket was to be used as an illustration showing how words can be used to comfort. I really liked that illustration because just like I keep a blanket around me to ward off the chill in the air, an encouraging and comforting word is needed for me to ward off the chilling words either spoken to me by others or the negative thoughts that spring up in my mind.

Everyday it seems that we are assaulted with words or thoughts that we're not good enough. Commercials try to convince us that we aren't beautiful enough unless we buy certain beauty products, we might hear negative opinions about the way we do things from co-workers or other people in our lives, and then there is the litany of negative thoughts about ourselves that seem to constantly run through our minds. With all of those negative words being spoken and thought we really need to wrap ourselves up in a thick blanket of soothing, comforting, and uplifting words.

The best blanket that I have found to wrap myself up in when negative thoughts are swirling in my mind is my Bible. It is here that God tells me how much He loves me and cares for me. He tells me that I am beautiful because He made me to be exactly the way I am. They are words that soothe, heal, and sink deep down into my soul. Some of my favorite verses to wrap around myself include

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

"By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:8

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior," Isaiah 43:2-3a

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;" Isaiah 49:15-16a

My final thought for today is for you to take five minutes out of your day today to either say, write, or text someone an encouraging word. It could make all the difference in their day.

Yet

The storm isn't here yet.
I haven't gotten an answer yet.
The timing isn't right yet.
I don't feel like I fit in yet.
I'm not married yet.
We don't have any children yet.
I don't have a job yet.
The electric company hasn't turned off the power yet.
My house hasn't been foreclosed yet.
They haven't found a cure yet.

Trepidation, anxiety, confusion, hesitation, and bewilderment, mixed with a glimmer of hope
such emotions swirl around in the confines of a three letter word.
The unknown looming in an undetermined timeframe
filling our minds with unspoken questions and concerns,
turning our faith to doubt, our trust to wariness, and our peace to agitation.

But yet You promise never to leave us
or ever let Your children beg bread.
We say the same prayers over and over again
and yet You promise to hear us every time we cry out to You.
You know our dreams and desires as well as our weaknesses
and yet You love us still.

The First Week

I'm actually really glad that the first week of school was only 2 days. I know that probably sounds selfish on some level because after all most people have to work 5 days, but I felt like the 2 days I did work lasted the equivalent of 5.

The first day of school I woke up not feeling great. It was rather unnerving to realize that going back to work immediately brought on migraine symptoms. I decided to take an imitrex while the pain wasn't too bad instead of waiting until I was at school, dealing with children and trying to deal with the pain. Unfortunately taking the imitrex resulted in my having to lie down for a while and skip breakfast. By the time I actually got to school I was feeling better, but still not great.

The classroom I'm in has 12 students. Four of those were kindergarteners who were only there 1/2 days (full day starts next week). That was a good thing because it's a whole new experience for them. Most 5-yr olds need time to adjust to school routines, but autistic kindergarteners need extra time. Everything is new and exciting which means that they get overstimulated. Tantrums quickly erupt as they realize that they cannot play with their new favorite toy for the entire day.

In addition to 4 kindergarteners we also have 6 1st graders who come the entire day. One of whom is nonverbal. On the plus side these children already know the classroom and the routine. They still don't react well to change however. After several transitions, one of my students actually bit me on the arm. He's a nonverbal student and so he communicates displeasure by biting. He didn't break the skin, but I have to say that my arm is still quite sore from that experience.

There isn't any "down" time in this classroom, which I find one of the hardest adjustments I've had to personally make. Last year I was used to coming in, working with some students while drinking my morning coffee or tea, sitting at circle time and monitoring the kids, etc. There is no time for morning coffee in this classroom, in fact it might actually pose a danger as I am constantly having to move about the classroom - guiding children to what they are supposed to be doing, disciplining them constantly, and holding them during their tantrums - or away from me should I sense a child trying to bite me. I do get a 45 min lunch break, for which I am extremely thankful for.

The 2nd day went smoother thankfully. This had more to do with the fact that my job for the morning was to observe one of our 1st grade students in a regular classroom in order to determine if he needs a one on one aide. Although he definitely needs one, the process to make that an actuality will take much longer than anyone would like I believe. That being said, the task of observing this student was far less taxing than being in the classroom. I did spend the afternoon in the classroom with all of the students minus the kindergarteners, but I left not feeling nearly as exhausted as the 1st day.

I was asked today if my job brought "life to me". At the moment I would say that it's more draining than life-giving, but I also know that this is also a new experience for me. It's not that I hate my job, because I don't, but at the moment I'm still in "survival mode". I'm sure once I adapt to this new routine I will have a much clearer perspective.

Change

"They must never leave by the same gateway they came in, but must always use the opposite gateway." Ezekiel 46:9b

It's been a long time since I've posted anything on this blog. There have been several reasons for this: (1) there have been too many changes in my life over the summer to keep up with, (2) I haven't been home or on the computer nearly as much as I used to be, and (3) during the rare times that I was home and on the computer my brain was too tired to compose even a basic sentence.

Tonight is one of those rare evenings where I find myself both home, with brain power, and with a verse to share. One of the last times I posted I mentioned not knowing whether or not I'd be coming back this fall to the classroom I worked in last year. I spent the summer waiting...and waiting...and waiting. Of course I did other things besides wait - I worked as a tutor for Huntington Learning Center, I continued to babysit Jeremy, I helped plan a neighborhood carnival for my church, and I hung out with friends and watched movies. Yet I still had no answers as to what the fall would bring.

I'm going to make a very LONG and dramatic story short and just say that I found out on Friday, Sept. 4th that I'd be working for the Upper Nyack School district in a k-2nd grade self-contained autistic classroom....starting tomorrow (Sept. 7th). There is nothing quite like the feeling of waiting until the very last minute, let me tell you.

With the advent of a new school year starting and the approach of fall (I'm already beginning to phase sweaters into my wardrobe :( ), not to mention other changes going on in my life, I am feeling very reflective. That's probably why the verse in Ezekiel struck me so. Generally speaking the book of Ezekiel doesn't do much for me...especially when reading all about the specific measurements of the temple. I'm not very good with visualizing measurements, so reading about temple measurements ranks right up there with reading long lists of geneologies. However, when I read the verse about the people having to enter the temple on one side and going out the other side and being instructed about NOT going back the way they came, it made me think about my life.

I've had various seasons of my life...there have been good times for sure, but there have also been the ugly times. In each stage though, God required me and helped me to move forwards, not backwards. Of course there were times when I seemed to be going backwards, but in reality it was just a part of the healing process I was going through at the time. When I think about the person I was in college and who I am now I actually see a huge difference in how I viewed myself, God, and life in general. I know that I'm still on my journey and that I'm still working on certain aspects of my character, but no matter what other changes and challenges life throws at me, I am determined not to go back the way I came.