Discouragement

For many years I fought the battle of depression and anxiety.  Thankfully I haven't had a major depressive episode in a long time and although I still fight anxiety, the battle isn't nearly as intense as it used to be.  These days my major battle is with discouragement.

Discouragement comes in many forms. Some of these forms include not getting as much done in the morning before work as I had planned, working later than I thought, children who regress in their behavior and/or have seemingly little academic improvement, thinking I'm going to have an early evening but actually getting home much later than intended, not being able to get into bed before midnight for several nights in a row, not being able to sleep in on a Sat morning, not spending a lot of time with Ray due to our hectic and often opposite work schedules, forgetting items at the store requiring me to go back to the store and repurchase them, extremely tight finances, or having a migraine after being migraine free for 15+ days. 

Usually if one or even two of the above mentioned occur I can remain sane.  When more than two discouraging things happen in a day, or even a week, I find it harder and harder to keep a healthy perspective.  Thankfully I haven't had all of the above hit at once, but I've been close.  During these times I have a choice: I can either cave to the discouraging circumstances around me which can lead to another fight with depression or I can turn to Scripture and thank God for the many blessings He has given me. 

These blessing include being much healthier than in past years, having enough money at the moment to pay next months rent, having some money in a savings account, having a working car for all the driving I do, for the rare dates I do go on with Ray, that Ray has steady work for the next month, that I'm finally actually seeing the progress of my kitchen renovation (yay for not having to constantly sweep up sawdust! :D ), for the moments in which I do see my students master something that once seemed impossible, getting a solid night's sleep even if it is less than 6 or 7 hours, and seeing answers to my prayers.

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

January update

The last time I wrote about my class I was rather stressed out by their regression.  Thankfully we've started the new year on a different note.  We not only changed the routine up but we also changed the layout of the room in order to accomodate a new center: the Wii.  Yes, we actually have a wii in our classroom.  I don't know if it was the fact that the students have come off of their "holiday high", they've adjusted to our attention being spread out, or they just really enjoy having the wii as a reward center.  Whatever the cause my students have seemed to come back to "normal". 

This doesn't mean that there aren't temper tantrums, whining, and days when it seems like all of my students push every button and get on my last nerve (we had one of those days today).  Overall their behaviors have improved.

Some prayer requests regarding the students:

- A new Spanish speaking student in the kindergarten class who is exhibiting challenging behaviors.  Not only is there a language barrier, but his dad had recently been deported.  He has a tendancy to run either out of the classroom or try to run out of the building.  On the plus side, he keeps us in shape! :)

- We haven't had the time/staff to work with J. on speech.  He still says "eat" from time to time, but he has become less clear and less motivated to attempt speaking.

- L.'s mom has been getting more and more out of control with her drinking.  She hasn't been arrested yet, but probably will be one day.  L. constantly comes late to school and continues to exhibit bursts of anger.  Thankfully we have had to restrain him for shorter periods of time before he cooperates with our directions.

- C. has been getting more and more angry/agressive and talking about hurting/killing others.  At the moment he isn't getting the help he so desperately needs and the school psychologist believes that if he continues going down this path that he'll either end up in jail or the psy ward.  Please pray that his dads will stop being in denial and get their son proper therapy.

I wish I had gotten a picture of "Chippy" before we captured him - oh well.  I especially wished I had had my camera when I walked into my bedroom and saw Meiska and him sitting next to each other.  Meiska has a personality which makes her want to befriend all types of animals.  I'm glad she doesn't live outdoors or she'd never survive!

In case you're wondering who Chippy is, he is a chipmunk who came to live with me for a few days.  I discovered him when a rustling sound woke me up in the middle of Tuesday night.  I usually lock my cats out of the bedroom while I'm sleeping, so at first I thought maybe Jekyll had somehow gotten into my room and was misbehaving again.  I keep a flashlight near my bed for such occasions.  When I shone it around the room however, what I saw made me sit straight up and nearly scream.  There was a chipmunk sitting on my laundry basket.  He quickly ran away to another corner of my bedroom.  Ray let the cats in to investigate.  Jekyll immediately smelled Chippy and kept him cornered under a nightstand.  Since it was after 3am we decided it would be best to just let the cats stand guard.  Believe me, I hardly got any sleep that night.

Ray spent the next day working on my apartment while Jekyll kept watch over Chippy and I went to work.  The next night I barely heard any sounds, but around 4am there ensued a game of "tag" between Jekyll and Chippy.  I didn't get up to see what was happening, but I kept having visions of finding a dead chipmunk in the morning.  The next night went similarly, but this time I was awake enough to see the game of tag.  Chippy was getting bold enough to jump on the bed (thankfully I wasn't in it).  I saw him leap from my garment rack, climb up my dresser and onto the printer.  Only I would have a chipmunk with ninja-like abilities.  Meiska was sitting next to the printer at the time so I thought Chippy might be captured right then and there, but the two of them just sat there like old pals.  Goodness.

Ray finally managed to capture Chippy late Friday night.  Chippy was on top of my garment rack and Ray was able to cover him with his hand until I got a tupperware container.  Chippy almost escaped except that I store the plastic that goes over your dry cleaning on top of the rack and in his attempt to escape managed to get tangled in that.  Ray put Chippy in the tupperware container and carried him outside.  At first I was concerned that Chippy would remember how to get back in, but we've made it through the weekend chipmunk-free :D.

My Birthday

My birthday passed a couple of weeks ago and there's really not a whole lot to say on the matter.  I spent New Year's Eve hanging out with friends, woke up late on my birthday, spent the day browsing at the mall, had dinner with Ray and his parents, and ended the night watching a movie with Ray.  It was a fairly good birthday, but the part that I especially appreciated was the cake.  It was the one request I gave Ray.  Lately his time has been consumed between working on a kitchen project in my apartment (pics and details will be posted after completion) and working with his friend on a major remodeling job.  Needless to say I have no idea when he had time to make me a cake.  And not just any cake - a double layer chocolate cake with a peanut butter filling, chocolate frosting with peanut butter drizzle, and a border of mini reeces peanut butter cups.

I should have taken a picture before he cut it.  This is what it looked like after the majority had been eaten and some of the frosting had somehow melted, but hopefully you get the idea.  It was delicious!