Discouragement

For many years I fought the battle of depression and anxiety.  Thankfully I haven't had a major depressive episode in a long time and although I still fight anxiety, the battle isn't nearly as intense as it used to be.  These days my major battle is with discouragement.

Discouragement comes in many forms. Some of these forms include not getting as much done in the morning before work as I had planned, working later than I thought, children who regress in their behavior and/or have seemingly little academic improvement, thinking I'm going to have an early evening but actually getting home much later than intended, not being able to get into bed before midnight for several nights in a row, not being able to sleep in on a Sat morning, not spending a lot of time with Ray due to our hectic and often opposite work schedules, forgetting items at the store requiring me to go back to the store and repurchase them, extremely tight finances, or having a migraine after being migraine free for 15+ days. 

Usually if one or even two of the above mentioned occur I can remain sane.  When more than two discouraging things happen in a day, or even a week, I find it harder and harder to keep a healthy perspective.  Thankfully I haven't had all of the above hit at once, but I've been close.  During these times I have a choice: I can either cave to the discouraging circumstances around me which can lead to another fight with depression or I can turn to Scripture and thank God for the many blessings He has given me. 

These blessing include being much healthier than in past years, having enough money at the moment to pay next months rent, having some money in a savings account, having a working car for all the driving I do, for the rare dates I do go on with Ray, that Ray has steady work for the next month, that I'm finally actually seeing the progress of my kitchen renovation (yay for not having to constantly sweep up sawdust! :D ), for the moments in which I do see my students master something that once seemed impossible, getting a solid night's sleep even if it is less than 6 or 7 hours, and seeing answers to my prayers.

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10