Provision

I have always been super-independent when it comes to finances.  Even as a girl I can still remember saving up my money from allowances or birthdays and spending it only when absolutely necessary.  I even managed to make it all the way through college without calling home to ask for money.  It didn't hurt that my parents have done well for themselves and are extremely generous, so usually they just gave me money before I got a chance to ask.   After college was a slightly different story.

Renting an apartment plus buying a car (even a lower end one without the power locks/windows) gets very expensive and despite working 2-3 jobs I still have a hard time paying all the bills.  Over the years I have seen God provide for my financial needs through a random check coming in the mail (my all time favorite answer to prayer!), an extremely lenient landlord who let me pay rent in increments because he knew I was a good tenant, and plenty of work during the summer.

Last summer God tested my faith because he allowed my job to give me very minimum hours for some reason.  Although I was able to pay my bills for July and most of August I was severely lacking in rent money for September and my current landlady is not so generous in letting me pay incrementally since it's become very apparent that she needs my money to pay her mortgage.  At the time Ray was working for a contractor and the pay was very hit or miss.  He was able to help me out by giving me a little money, but ultimately I had to make the dreaded call home to my parents to ask for money.  Now don't get me wrong, they were more than willing to help me out and gave me even more money than I had asked.  However, I questioned God as to why He didn't provide for me because I felt that asking my parents for money lacked faith.  While this may be true, I've also come to realize that not everyone has parents that can afford to pay a month's rent on top of their bills without blinking an eye and maybe God did provide for my needs through my parents.

This summer hasn't been much different.  I've already had to use a great deal of money from my savings account to help pay for August's rent and I didn't get many tutoring hours for the month of July.  I also will stop my babysitting job at the end of this week because camp is out of session and their mom won't need my help until September which I can't do since I'm going back to school.  The other week I started getting a knot in my stomach just thinking about how hard it would be to afford September's rent and the car payment and wondering if God would provide for me this year.  Despite finances stressing me out God has shown me several important truths about my situation.

1) I have a savings account this year with money still in it.  This in itself is a huge blessing and one that I don't always have every summer.
2) He gave Ray a steady job in April with a good income.  Although we're not married yet and I kinda feel weird asking him for more money (let's face it, he already pays for my groceries, laundry, and date nights) Ray can and is very willing to help support me in this area.
3) I picked up a lot more tutoring hours this week which was very unexpected and will increase the paycheck I receive next week.

Just because God isn't providing for me the way I'd like him to (being mailed a very large check), He has always, and will continue, to provide for me.  This doesn't mean I won't continue to hope for a check in the mail - you never know! :)

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Mathew 6:31-34

About a month ago I experienced something that hasn't happened in a few years.  I woke up one Sunday morning with a weird sensation above my eye indicating that at some point during the day I would probably experience a migraine.  Being the stubborn person that I am I ignored the sensation because I didn't feel that I was in enough pain to warrant taking an Imitrex.  I went to church and tried drinking some coffee.  By the end of the service I was in pain, but the nausea wasn't kicking in just yet.  At this point I was contemplating taking some Imitrex, however I knew that if I could hold out just a little longer I may be able to go to one of the members of the prayer team after the service and have them pray for healing.

 I've never gone up after the service to be prayed over before even though there have been services I've sat through where I can tell I'm getting a migraine but the pain hasn't really hit yet so I was a little nervous.  I mean, what if nothing happens?  The only time I've experienced a dramatic healing of my migraines was when I was on a retreat and experienced such a bad migraine that I was bed-ridden.  At the time the doctors were concerned that the Imitrex was causing too many side effects so they told me to stop taking it.  My pastor and his wife were with me and got some people who had the gift of healing to pray over me.  I'm not sure how long it took, but I do know that at some point the migraine completely went away and I was up and acting like myself before I knew it - the change was remarkable!   Since then I've been waiting for a similar experience, or even better yet, to stop having migraines altogether and be completely healed.

I had gotten hopeful that that was what happened back in May/June when I went 31 days without a migraine.  That was the longest streak I'd been migraine free in almost ten years. Then I started going back to my "new" pattern of having @5 a month.  On the plus side it's a lot better than the 8-10 migraines a month that I used to experience.  Anyway, back to last month.  I wasn't sure what was going to happen when I waited in the sanctuary after the service.  Usually there are so many people waiting for prayer that it probably takes at least a half hour to be seen.  On this particular Sunday however attendance was on the low end (it was July 4th weekend) and it didn't take me long at all to find a woman I knew to pray for me.  As she was praying I could feel the pain leaving my head.  There was still that weird feeling over my eyes, but for the most part the migraine was gone.  I was able to eat lunch with friends and run errands after church.

Unfortunately by 8 or 9pm later that night the migraine came back full force.  By this time I was home and decided that before going to bed I should take some Imitrex.  However, when I went into my purse to get it the Imitrex was gone!  I had left it in my backpack when I had gone hiking a couple days before.  I never had any medicine with me at church or while I was out.

I'm not really sure why God heals my migraines in a more dramatic fashion at times than others.  Usually even if I'm praying for relief the pain gets so intense that I need some Imitrex sooner rather than later.  However, I do know for certain that whether it is with or without medicine, God is still my healer.  I don't know why He allows me to endure so many migraines, but I also know that through each one He is right beside me.

"Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us.  None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare."

Psalm 40:5