Tonight is one of those extremely rare nights that I have the time and energy to think and since I suddenly found myself in November I thought I'd start this month off with a list of things I'm thankful for.
1) Although the school year hasn't been perfect, it is going much smoother than I thought. In fact, J (who last year at this time was having severe meltdowns) has been doing an amazing job with both his work and controlling his outbursts! He's only had 1 and it was understandable and didn't last long. I have been praying for him for such a long time and this year I'm starting to see my prayers answered. I love seeing the progress he's made both academically and emotionally.
2) Ray's been employed full time for 7 months! While this job has had its ups and downs and the company isn't particularly stable at the moment, at least Ray has a sense of purpose, is getting out of the debt incurred during his time of part-time and unemployment, and is building new skills and relationships for the future.
3) Jekyll has almost made it 1 year with FIV. On Nov. 20th of last year Jekyll got really sick and was diagnosed FIV positive. Over the course of this year I have lost count of the number of times I've come home or woken up to find my usually very active cat lying limp and dehydrated under the bed. We've gone through countless traumatic vet appointments, giving daily meds, and just last week he started limping and I thought we'd have to have x-rays this week. Thankfully God has healed Jekyll well enough that we don't have to do x-rays. He's not quite himself yet, but he's getting better.
4) I am halfway through my first semester of graduate coursework in special education and so far I am finding the time to get all of my assignments completed. With everything going on this has been a miracle!
5) Since going back to school has made it impossible for me to work nearly as much my income has been reduced. Unfortunately with Jekyll being so sick my expenses have increased significantly. Despite this, God has continued to provide for me. Ray has also been a big help in this area, but even Ray's financial provision ultimately comes from God.
6) I am really enjoying this fall. For one we haven't had a major snowstorm of hurricane yet and for another because the colors of the leaves have been so brilliant. I don't remember the last time I saw such a beautiful fall last so long. I must admit that it does get rather distracting while driving though :(.
7) Which reminds me that I am thankful for my car. Last year I was driving a car that had a check engine light come on every few days and no mechanic could figure out exactly why. I also had very squeaky brakes. After I traded my car in for a new one I learned that my former car actually had a recall out for it. Although my new car isn't super amazing (no power locks or windows) it is very comforting to know that it runs well and it has sirius xm radio so I can listen to a Christian radio station all day long!
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Provision
I have always been super-independent when it comes to finances. Even as a girl I can still remember saving up my money from allowances or birthdays and spending it only when absolutely necessary. I even managed to make it all the way through college without calling home to ask for money. It didn't hurt that my parents have done well for themselves and are extremely generous, so usually they just gave me money before I got a chance to ask. After college was a slightly different story.
Renting an apartment plus buying a car (even a lower end one without the power locks/windows) gets very expensive and despite working 2-3 jobs I still have a hard time paying all the bills. Over the years I have seen God provide for my financial needs through a random check coming in the mail (my all time favorite answer to prayer!), an extremely lenient landlord who let me pay rent in increments because he knew I was a good tenant, and plenty of work during the summer.
Last summer God tested my faith because he allowed my job to give me very minimum hours for some reason. Although I was able to pay my bills for July and most of August I was severely lacking in rent money for September and my current landlady is not so generous in letting me pay incrementally since it's become very apparent that she needs my money to pay her mortgage. At the time Ray was working for a contractor and the pay was very hit or miss. He was able to help me out by giving me a little money, but ultimately I had to make the dreaded call home to my parents to ask for money. Now don't get me wrong, they were more than willing to help me out and gave me even more money than I had asked. However, I questioned God as to why He didn't provide for me because I felt that asking my parents for money lacked faith. While this may be true, I've also come to realize that not everyone has parents that can afford to pay a month's rent on top of their bills without blinking an eye and maybe God did provide for my needs through my parents.
This summer hasn't been much different. I've already had to use a great deal of money from my savings account to help pay for August's rent and I didn't get many tutoring hours for the month of July. I also will stop my babysitting job at the end of this week because camp is out of session and their mom won't need my help until September which I can't do since I'm going back to school. The other week I started getting a knot in my stomach just thinking about how hard it would be to afford September's rent and the car payment and wondering if God would provide for me this year. Despite finances stressing me out God has shown me several important truths about my situation.
1) I have a savings account this year with money still in it. This in itself is a huge blessing and one that I don't always have every summer.
2) He gave Ray a steady job in April with a good income. Although we're not married yet and I kinda feel weird asking him for more money (let's face it, he already pays for my groceries, laundry, and date nights) Ray can and is very willing to help support me in this area.
3) I picked up a lot more tutoring hours this week which was very unexpected and will increase the paycheck I receive next week.
Just because God isn't providing for me the way I'd like him to (being mailed a very large check), He has always, and will continue, to provide for me. This doesn't mean I won't continue to hope for a check in the mail - you never know! :)
Renting an apartment plus buying a car (even a lower end one without the power locks/windows) gets very expensive and despite working 2-3 jobs I still have a hard time paying all the bills. Over the years I have seen God provide for my financial needs through a random check coming in the mail (my all time favorite answer to prayer!), an extremely lenient landlord who let me pay rent in increments because he knew I was a good tenant, and plenty of work during the summer.
Last summer God tested my faith because he allowed my job to give me very minimum hours for some reason. Although I was able to pay my bills for July and most of August I was severely lacking in rent money for September and my current landlady is not so generous in letting me pay incrementally since it's become very apparent that she needs my money to pay her mortgage. At the time Ray was working for a contractor and the pay was very hit or miss. He was able to help me out by giving me a little money, but ultimately I had to make the dreaded call home to my parents to ask for money. Now don't get me wrong, they were more than willing to help me out and gave me even more money than I had asked. However, I questioned God as to why He didn't provide for me because I felt that asking my parents for money lacked faith. While this may be true, I've also come to realize that not everyone has parents that can afford to pay a month's rent on top of their bills without blinking an eye and maybe God did provide for my needs through my parents.
This summer hasn't been much different. I've already had to use a great deal of money from my savings account to help pay for August's rent and I didn't get many tutoring hours for the month of July. I also will stop my babysitting job at the end of this week because camp is out of session and their mom won't need my help until September which I can't do since I'm going back to school. The other week I started getting a knot in my stomach just thinking about how hard it would be to afford September's rent and the car payment and wondering if God would provide for me this year. Despite finances stressing me out God has shown me several important truths about my situation.
1) I have a savings account this year with money still in it. This in itself is a huge blessing and one that I don't always have every summer.
2) He gave Ray a steady job in April with a good income. Although we're not married yet and I kinda feel weird asking him for more money (let's face it, he already pays for my groceries, laundry, and date nights) Ray can and is very willing to help support me in this area.
3) I picked up a lot more tutoring hours this week which was very unexpected and will increase the paycheck I receive next week.
Just because God isn't providing for me the way I'd like him to (being mailed a very large check), He has always, and will continue, to provide for me. This doesn't mean I won't continue to hope for a check in the mail - you never know! :)
“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Mathew 6:31-34
Thursday, August 8, 2013
About a month ago I experienced something that hasn't happened in a few years. I woke up one Sunday morning with a weird sensation above my eye indicating that at some point during the day I would probably experience a migraine. Being the stubborn person that I am I ignored the sensation because I didn't feel that I was in enough pain to warrant taking an Imitrex. I went to church and tried drinking some coffee. By the end of the service I was in pain, but the nausea wasn't kicking in just yet. At this point I was contemplating taking some Imitrex, however I knew that if I could hold out just a little longer I may be able to go to one of the members of the prayer team after the service and have them pray for healing.
I've never gone up after the service to be prayed over before even though there have been services I've sat through where I can tell I'm getting a migraine but the pain hasn't really hit yet so I was a little nervous. I mean, what if nothing happens? The only time I've experienced a dramatic healing of my migraines was when I was on a retreat and experienced such a bad migraine that I was bed-ridden. At the time the doctors were concerned that the Imitrex was causing too many side effects so they told me to stop taking it. My pastor and his wife were with me and got some people who had the gift of healing to pray over me. I'm not sure how long it took, but I do know that at some point the migraine completely went away and I was up and acting like myself before I knew it - the change was remarkable! Since then I've been waiting for a similar experience, or even better yet, to stop having migraines altogether and be completely healed.
I had gotten hopeful that that was what happened back in May/June when I went 31 days without a migraine. That was the longest streak I'd been migraine free in almost ten years. Then I started going back to my "new" pattern of having @5 a month. On the plus side it's a lot better than the 8-10 migraines a month that I used to experience. Anyway, back to last month. I wasn't sure what was going to happen when I waited in the sanctuary after the service. Usually there are so many people waiting for prayer that it probably takes at least a half hour to be seen. On this particular Sunday however attendance was on the low end (it was July 4th weekend) and it didn't take me long at all to find a woman I knew to pray for me. As she was praying I could feel the pain leaving my head. There was still that weird feeling over my eyes, but for the most part the migraine was gone. I was able to eat lunch with friends and run errands after church.
Unfortunately by 8 or 9pm later that night the migraine came back full force. By this time I was home and decided that before going to bed I should take some Imitrex. However, when I went into my purse to get it the Imitrex was gone! I had left it in my backpack when I had gone hiking a couple days before. I never had any medicine with me at church or while I was out.
I'm not really sure why God heals my migraines in a more dramatic fashion at times than others. Usually even if I'm praying for relief the pain gets so intense that I need some Imitrex sooner rather than later. However, I do know for certain that whether it is with or without medicine, God is still my healer. I don't know why He allows me to endure so many migraines, but I also know that through each one He is right beside me.
"Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare."
I've never gone up after the service to be prayed over before even though there have been services I've sat through where I can tell I'm getting a migraine but the pain hasn't really hit yet so I was a little nervous. I mean, what if nothing happens? The only time I've experienced a dramatic healing of my migraines was when I was on a retreat and experienced such a bad migraine that I was bed-ridden. At the time the doctors were concerned that the Imitrex was causing too many side effects so they told me to stop taking it. My pastor and his wife were with me and got some people who had the gift of healing to pray over me. I'm not sure how long it took, but I do know that at some point the migraine completely went away and I was up and acting like myself before I knew it - the change was remarkable! Since then I've been waiting for a similar experience, or even better yet, to stop having migraines altogether and be completely healed.
I had gotten hopeful that that was what happened back in May/June when I went 31 days without a migraine. That was the longest streak I'd been migraine free in almost ten years. Then I started going back to my "new" pattern of having @5 a month. On the plus side it's a lot better than the 8-10 migraines a month that I used to experience. Anyway, back to last month. I wasn't sure what was going to happen when I waited in the sanctuary after the service. Usually there are so many people waiting for prayer that it probably takes at least a half hour to be seen. On this particular Sunday however attendance was on the low end (it was July 4th weekend) and it didn't take me long at all to find a woman I knew to pray for me. As she was praying I could feel the pain leaving my head. There was still that weird feeling over my eyes, but for the most part the migraine was gone. I was able to eat lunch with friends and run errands after church.
Unfortunately by 8 or 9pm later that night the migraine came back full force. By this time I was home and decided that before going to bed I should take some Imitrex. However, when I went into my purse to get it the Imitrex was gone! I had left it in my backpack when I had gone hiking a couple days before. I never had any medicine with me at church or while I was out.
I'm not really sure why God heals my migraines in a more dramatic fashion at times than others. Usually even if I'm praying for relief the pain gets so intense that I need some Imitrex sooner rather than later. However, I do know for certain that whether it is with or without medicine, God is still my healer. I don't know why He allows me to endure so many migraines, but I also know that through each one He is right beside me.
"Many, Lord my God, are the wonders you have done, the things you planned for us. None can compare with you; were I to speak and tell of your deeds, they would be too many to declare."
Psalm 40:5
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Overcoming a Fear
"Do not worry about your life" Mathew 6
Since I grew up in Staten Island you may have assumed that I am comfortable driving in the city. The reality is that my mom had an intense fear of driving in the city until after I graduated from college and I suffered from that same fear. In fact, many years ago I remember thanking an ex-boyfriend for driving me to the city for a date because I love spending time in the city but would never have dared go there unless someone else was driving.
The first time Ray suggested I drive into the city for an event I thought he was out of his mind. Then I thought I was the crazy one as I somehow let him talk me into doing it. Among his various other talents Ray has the uncanny ability to get me to do things I would never, ever, in a million years consider doing all the while reassuring me that things will be all-right. The first few times I drove into the city I thought I was going to have a panic attack both before and during the drive, but I did alot of praying and each time I gained more confidence.
Last week Ray informed me that it was his brother-in-law's birthday on Sunday and that we were invited to their apartment in downtown for the celebration. It was beautiful day and we had a great time. That's when the realization hit me on the drive back. This was the first time I could remember not feeling any stress prior to or during the drive. Don't get me wrong, there were throngs of pedestrians crossing the street, impatient cab drivers either honking at me or trying to hit my car, and I still forgot that the left lane on the West Side Highway will lead me to the Lincoln Tunnel if I don't move over. The difference was that not of those things really bothered me. It was just another day of driving. Maybe one day I'll feel the same way about rollercoasters or jumping off a diving board :).
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Deciding to go to Grad School (again)
When I finished my master's in literacy back in 2006 I swore I would never go back to school again. I was tired, felt old (even though I was only 26), and couldn't imagine studying anything else. I left my pre-k teaching position at HeadStart in 2008 for several reasons. In retrospect it was probably a good decision, but if I had known then just how impossible finding a job was I may have stayed in that position for longer. Unfortunately I'm not alone in the situation of having two certifications (+ 1 in NJ) and not being able to get a full time teaching job. Sometime back in April I was discussing this conundrum with a friend and she told me that principals these days are tossing out resumes with two or less certifications because budgets are constantly being cut and they need to be able to move teachers around to different positions. Unfortunately the only way to get another certification is to go back to school....but for what sort of degree?
I don't ever want to be a principal, so anything in leadership was out of the question. Since I've been working in a special ed classroom for the past 3 years it only made sense to actually be certified in special ed, except that all of the special ed programs I looked at took 3 years to complete and required another student teaching experience. "Are you serious?" I thought. There was no way I was spending the next 3 years of my life in grad school. Financially I couldn't afford it and honestly special ed isn't my passion. I could get my certificate in Autism, but I don't really feel like I'd make a good Autism teacher.
So I prayed and told God that if He wanted me to go back to school He'd have to show me a program which was shorter than three years, offer classes I'd enjoy taking, and be able to afford it financially. By the end of the day He showed me His program. My grad school alma mater, LIU, just "happens" to have an advanced certificate in childhood special education program for teachers who already possess a masters and at least one teaching certificate. It is only a 21 credit degree and the courses offered actually sounded really interesting because they revolve around a variety of disabilities and there's a course in how to handle special ed students in the mainstream classroom, which is something I really want to learn more about.
I applied and got accepted with 6 transfer credits from my literacy major and a 25% tuition reduction as an alumni. So, this means I can start classes this fall and be done by next June! My bill will probably come out to somewhere in the $14,000 range, which isn't as bad as it could be, but still rather overwhelming to me. Especially since I'll need to cut down on my hours at work in order to go to school. Right now I'm in the process of applying for various scholarships and praying I get some more financial aid. Every little bit helps because I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay that much money. I have to keep reminding myself to take things one day at a time though :).
I don't ever want to be a principal, so anything in leadership was out of the question. Since I've been working in a special ed classroom for the past 3 years it only made sense to actually be certified in special ed, except that all of the special ed programs I looked at took 3 years to complete and required another student teaching experience. "Are you serious?" I thought. There was no way I was spending the next 3 years of my life in grad school. Financially I couldn't afford it and honestly special ed isn't my passion. I could get my certificate in Autism, but I don't really feel like I'd make a good Autism teacher.
So I prayed and told God that if He wanted me to go back to school He'd have to show me a program which was shorter than three years, offer classes I'd enjoy taking, and be able to afford it financially. By the end of the day He showed me His program. My grad school alma mater, LIU, just "happens" to have an advanced certificate in childhood special education program for teachers who already possess a masters and at least one teaching certificate. It is only a 21 credit degree and the courses offered actually sounded really interesting because they revolve around a variety of disabilities and there's a course in how to handle special ed students in the mainstream classroom, which is something I really want to learn more about.
I applied and got accepted with 6 transfer credits from my literacy major and a 25% tuition reduction as an alumni. So, this means I can start classes this fall and be done by next June! My bill will probably come out to somewhere in the $14,000 range, which isn't as bad as it could be, but still rather overwhelming to me. Especially since I'll need to cut down on my hours at work in order to go to school. Right now I'm in the process of applying for various scholarships and praying I get some more financial aid. Every little bit helps because I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay that much money. I have to keep reminding myself to take things one day at a time though :).
Monday, May 13, 2013
Playing Catch Up
The last few months have been hectic to say the least. There's been so much transition both in my personal life and in the classroom that writing has, quite sadly, been pushed to the side. I'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging, but I can't guarantee anything. For now I'll try to give you a glimpse into my life.
Awesome News
Let's start with the good news....Ray started working a full time job on April 1st! He's working for a company that opened a satellite office in Clifton, NJ as their IT person. He commutes an hour and a half or so by train each way and usually is at work by 7:30am. Since this isn't what he primarily studied in school he's also taking training classes at least once a week and often works during the weekends on projects. The pay is reasonable for a start up position and the company has even agreed to reimburse him for his travel expenses (a monthly train pass costs $240) and training expenses!
Crazy School News
After 3 years of working as a teaching assistant I received tenure from the district. Unfortunately I was one of the first employees to end up with the dreaded stomach flu and couldn't make the ceremony. After being out sick for three days it was nice to come back to kids and staff who missed me so much. Sometimes I go through my days wondering if I make a difference in the classroom, so feeling appreciated was a much needed blessing.
The teacher I was working with went on maternity leave at the beginning of March. One of the other assistants took her maternity leave. In addition we've had a student teacher, a student we tried mainstreaming return to our room for the full day, and a new aide working with us. It's been a little stressful dealing with all the new people. The teacher is returning from leave next week, so yet another adjustment will need to be made by both students and staff.
Looking Towards the Future
After discussing the current job market in education with many people I've learned that the principals around here are only looking at resumes with 3 or more certifications. I only have two. After much prayerful consideration I've decided to go back to grad school in the fall. Long Island University is offering a 21 credit Advanced Certificate in Special Education for people who already have at least one teaching certificate and master's degree. I'm still waiting on a few items to submit, but if all goes well I'll start classes in September. This means that I'll be quitting my babysitting job - along with the helpful off the book income it provides. Don't ask me how I'm going to pay for this because I honestly don't know.
Prayer Requests
- timing and wording for how to break the news of going to grad school to the mom of the boys I babysit.
- financial provision for grad school.
- ability to have more quality time with Ray.
- my position for next year. At the very least I'll still have my current job (that's a guarantee) but the special ed program is being rearranged so I may be working in the autistic class, the learning disabled class, or the emotionally disturbed class. There will be two classes in each classification and four of those classes will be held in different buildings. I'm not sure where I'd prefer to be quite honestly.
Awesome News
Let's start with the good news....Ray started working a full time job on April 1st! He's working for a company that opened a satellite office in Clifton, NJ as their IT person. He commutes an hour and a half or so by train each way and usually is at work by 7:30am. Since this isn't what he primarily studied in school he's also taking training classes at least once a week and often works during the weekends on projects. The pay is reasonable for a start up position and the company has even agreed to reimburse him for his travel expenses (a monthly train pass costs $240) and training expenses!
Crazy School News
After 3 years of working as a teaching assistant I received tenure from the district. Unfortunately I was one of the first employees to end up with the dreaded stomach flu and couldn't make the ceremony. After being out sick for three days it was nice to come back to kids and staff who missed me so much. Sometimes I go through my days wondering if I make a difference in the classroom, so feeling appreciated was a much needed blessing.
The teacher I was working with went on maternity leave at the beginning of March. One of the other assistants took her maternity leave. In addition we've had a student teacher, a student we tried mainstreaming return to our room for the full day, and a new aide working with us. It's been a little stressful dealing with all the new people. The teacher is returning from leave next week, so yet another adjustment will need to be made by both students and staff.
Looking Towards the Future
After discussing the current job market in education with many people I've learned that the principals around here are only looking at resumes with 3 or more certifications. I only have two. After much prayerful consideration I've decided to go back to grad school in the fall. Long Island University is offering a 21 credit Advanced Certificate in Special Education for people who already have at least one teaching certificate and master's degree. I'm still waiting on a few items to submit, but if all goes well I'll start classes in September. This means that I'll be quitting my babysitting job - along with the helpful off the book income it provides. Don't ask me how I'm going to pay for this because I honestly don't know.
Prayer Requests
- timing and wording for how to break the news of going to grad school to the mom of the boys I babysit.
- financial provision for grad school.
- ability to have more quality time with Ray.
- my position for next year. At the very least I'll still have my current job (that's a guarantee) but the special ed program is being rearranged so I may be working in the autistic class, the learning disabled class, or the emotionally disturbed class. There will be two classes in each classification and four of those classes will be held in different buildings. I'm not sure where I'd prefer to be quite honestly.
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