Lately, I've been thinking alot about words. When I'm writing poetry I pay extra attention to the words I use. I double, and even triple check emails I write to make sure my words are spelled correctly and make sense. When speaking to children I try to be mindful of the words I use, especially when disciplining them, so that they don't feel like failures.
Why is it then that I allow negative and destructive words to be spoken by me about who I am? A few weeks ago I was having an issue with my car insurance company. To make a long story short I owed them a large sum of money because I hadn't been paying my bills. The payments were supposed to have come directly out of my paycheck, but they hadn't. I was frustrated with the situation and kept berating myself by saying "I'm not good with finances". It was pointed out to me that if I kept speaking that lie over myself that it would come true and be part of who I am.
The truth is that I am pretty good with finances. I don't make alot of money, but I usually pay my bills on time and am disciplined in how I spend it. That's not to say that there aren't times when I spend my money unwisely or been so busy that I forget to pay my car insurance. That doesn't make me a failure at finances though. The same is true with anything else in life. There are times when I'm really organized and have my apartment spotless, say the right thing at the right time, drive the speedlimit and follow all other driving laws, make it ontime to work, and have extreme patience with people and situations. There are many other times, however, when my life seems chaotic and there's a ton of clutter everywhere in my apartment, my bed wasn't made, I'm late to work, I say the wrong thing, I don't exactly follow all of the driving rules, and my patience is wearing thin or nonexistent. Occasionally that happens all in one day. :-(
It is at those times when I'm not quite living up to my self-imposed expectations that I struggle with negative self-talk. The danger comes when those negative thoughts take over the truth. The truth is that although I will never get it all right every single minute of the day, God loves me and delights in me. My goal through this coming month is to remember that every time I believe I've messed something up instead of dwelling on my negative self talk.
“You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
October blessings
I realize it's already November, but I thought I'd share some of the things I've been very thankful for during the month of October.
Migraines: I've set a new record in days without a migraine. I reached 26 days this month, which makes this the first month in about 4 years that I've only had one migraine! God was also merciful to me during that migraine by 1) allowing it to happen at night, after work. I didn't have to call out or work while sick and it gave me a couple extra hours of sleep and 2) I only needed half of an imitrex to make it go away.
Financial Provision: This was the fourth month in a row in which I've been able to pay all of my rent on time, as well as all of my bills. God has also worked it out for Jeremy's parents to give me back my original wages. When I first started watching Jeremy two years ago I was paid primarily by Jawanio. Jawanio only allowed me to work with Jeremy 12 hours a week, so his parents agreed to pay me $15/hr for each hour I went over the allotted time. When Jawanio stopped paying me to watch Jeremy his parents lowered their private rate to $12/hr. They saw it as a compromise since Jawanio had been paying me a lower rate. During the summer however, I was watching two boys and training a puppy. After a rather uncomfortable discussion, his parents agreed to pay me the original $15/hr for the summer only. In September they decreased the rate again reasoning that I was only taking care of Jeremy. I have to admit that there were many days in which I had both the boys for an hour or so and I felt take advantage of. I was unsure as to how much longer to continue working for the family when Jeremy's mom came to me and said she had been feeling guilty about how much they had been paying me and said that starting that week my rate would return to the $15/hr.
Heat: My living situation is far from perfect, but my landlady did turn on the heat finally. I still use my space heater more than I'd like, but at least there isn't a draft like I had in my old place. Sometimes the apartment actually gets quite warm without the space heater. My landlady has also stopped complaining about me leaving the stairwell light on while I'm gone during the night. Most of the time the light remains lit while I'm gone. In the past, the light would "accidently" get turned off by her because she felt I was being inconsiderate of her electric bill.
Family Health: After undergoing a stress test, my dad's cardiologist declared that he doesn't need heart surgery right now. He needs to watch his diet, start exercising, and have his heart monitored for further valve deterioration. My grandmother also returned home from the hospital after suffering from a TIA (mini-stroke). Other than trying to get rid of bronchitis she seems to be back to her previous health.
There are many more things I'm thankful for, but these four top my list for now.
Migraines: I've set a new record in days without a migraine. I reached 26 days this month, which makes this the first month in about 4 years that I've only had one migraine! God was also merciful to me during that migraine by 1) allowing it to happen at night, after work. I didn't have to call out or work while sick and it gave me a couple extra hours of sleep and 2) I only needed half of an imitrex to make it go away.
Financial Provision: This was the fourth month in a row in which I've been able to pay all of my rent on time, as well as all of my bills. God has also worked it out for Jeremy's parents to give me back my original wages. When I first started watching Jeremy two years ago I was paid primarily by Jawanio. Jawanio only allowed me to work with Jeremy 12 hours a week, so his parents agreed to pay me $15/hr for each hour I went over the allotted time. When Jawanio stopped paying me to watch Jeremy his parents lowered their private rate to $12/hr. They saw it as a compromise since Jawanio had been paying me a lower rate. During the summer however, I was watching two boys and training a puppy. After a rather uncomfortable discussion, his parents agreed to pay me the original $15/hr for the summer only. In September they decreased the rate again reasoning that I was only taking care of Jeremy. I have to admit that there were many days in which I had both the boys for an hour or so and I felt take advantage of. I was unsure as to how much longer to continue working for the family when Jeremy's mom came to me and said she had been feeling guilty about how much they had been paying me and said that starting that week my rate would return to the $15/hr.
Heat: My living situation is far from perfect, but my landlady did turn on the heat finally. I still use my space heater more than I'd like, but at least there isn't a draft like I had in my old place. Sometimes the apartment actually gets quite warm without the space heater. My landlady has also stopped complaining about me leaving the stairwell light on while I'm gone during the night. Most of the time the light remains lit while I'm gone. In the past, the light would "accidently" get turned off by her because she felt I was being inconsiderate of her electric bill.
Family Health: After undergoing a stress test, my dad's cardiologist declared that he doesn't need heart surgery right now. He needs to watch his diet, start exercising, and have his heart monitored for further valve deterioration. My grandmother also returned home from the hospital after suffering from a TIA (mini-stroke). Other than trying to get rid of bronchitis she seems to be back to her previous health.
There are many more things I'm thankful for, but these four top my list for now.
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