The Messy Days

I very rarely do this...but I'm going out on a limb and being vulnerable and completely honest. For a while now I've been sensing that I need to become more vulnerable and so today I'm going to tell you about the messy side of my life. These are the days I wish I could redo...or skip altogether, but they are a part of life and we all have them unfortunately.

Yesterday I learned of two similar tragedies that happened to two different friends. My one friend Nasha was supposed to have a healthy baby girl...instead she succumbed to something that only 1% of women who go into labor develop. At 9:30am I learned that her baby had died unexpectedly and that she was fighting for her life. Finally I learned at 7:30pm that she was ok - at least in the physical sense. Later that same afternoon I learned that another friend also lost her baby and she was rather far along too. Basically it was just a day full of shock, numbness, and general sadness.

So today I woke up with some of those same feelings. I cried through breakfast. I did my devotional reading out of habit, but quite honestly barely remember any of it. Except the first part of the potion of Ecclesiastes I read which said "When people live to be very old, let them rejoice in every day of life. But let them also remember there will be many dark days. Everything still to come is meaningless." Yep...got to love Eccelesiastes to brighten life up a bit. Praying? Yeah....no...that really didn't happen today either.

Today at school was field day. As one of my students so aptly put it "it's wild out there - there are parents." Ah yes, a five year old with wisdom! And it was - wild and there were lots of parents. By 10:30am my students voluntarily got their rest mats to lay down and I wished I could join them. Later on during recess that same student who had been oh so wise earlier decided she needed to show me something. That something? A trapeeze like move on the fire engine jungle gym. She missed the bar and barely missed a landing that I thought for sure would paralize her. My heart literally stopped. Fortunately all that happened was a good scare and the wind knocked out of her.

In addition to this all of the staff at school are on edge because of all the changes taking place. Kelly is particularly stressed....adding to whatever stress I had before yesterday. By the end of the day I was beyond exhausted. I got in my car and promptly cried again.

A note of good news should be inserted here: I did get a call about a summer position which would be absolutely perfect. In the midst of all this I managed to set up the interview for tomorrow. Hopefully it's less of an emotional day.

On to Jeremy's house I go....and in the process of getting a migraine from lack of sleep and crying. Woo hoo. I take some imitrex. Jeremy is wonderful and even though by 3:30 my body is starting to go into pain and my back is killing me he doesn't mind getting the baseball for me or complain that I'm walking to first base instead of running. I have no ambition to push myself. By the time we get to social group I'm in such agonizing pain that sitting on a couch surrounded by pillows is painful - let alone doing anything. I am now counting down the minutes until I see the chiropractor over by Jeremy's house in Suffern.

This is where things get particularly exciting. See, over the past few weeks it's become a habit for Jeremy and I to go to Rockland Bakery after social group for a bagel. Now I have no desire to prolong our trip home and Jeremy just had a party at group since it was his last day so I proceed to go directly home. Jeremy then says to me "I want to go to Rockland Bakery." Uh oh. I explain that he just ate and that I was in the wrong lane and that we'd be home soon. Full. Blown. Temper. Tantrum.....and now I'm just counting down the minutes until we get home when....

TRAFFIC!!!! Like the entire westbound thruway is at a standstill. This doesn't help Jeremy's temper tantrum. And this is where I fully want to throw my own temper tantrum. Now I put in a phone call to his mom...complete with screaming and banging in the background...then I put in a call to the chiropractor - thankfully minus the screaming and banging. As we approached the thruway entrance (the Palisades Parkway was also backed up) Jeremy's dad called to tell me that he'd meet us at McDonald's in Nanuet. This would normally thrill me except for the fact that I still have to get to Suffern by 6:45.

We wait in line at McDonalds and I decide that I'm having a milkshake for dinner...just because. Jeremy's dad pays. I barely get out of the parking lot before the tears start again. Within 10 min I'm completely crying while navigating the backroads of Rockland County to get to Suffern. Amazingly this only took 15 min and I honestly had no idea where I was going.

I have an amazing chiropractor who stayed late just to help me...which he did because when I left the office I wasn't in any pain whatsoever and I felt like I could deal with life again....at least until tomorrow anyway.