Facing Disapointment

So the other day I was reading about Elijah. I like Elijah. His life is full or ups and downs, kind of like mine. Actually, the part I was reading about had more to do with the widow and her son than it did Elijah. Here's this poor widow just trying to survive in the midst of a horrible famine. She meets Elijah on the night that she is preparing her last meal for her and her son before they die. Maybe it's a bit overdramatic, but sometimes life does feel that way. Elijah comes to her and asks her to share what little bit she has left. The Bible doesn't record what she says, but I believe that I can actually feel her frustration with this request because there are times when I barely have anything left to give and it seems that God asks just a little bit more from me. I actually start to feel resentment when this happens. Thankfully that feeling goes away.

Anyway....so the widow decides to share her meager supplies and she and her son survive....for a while. Then, out of the blue, her son dies. Now, this is where life gets really hard. You're at the end of your rope, you are given a brief glimpse of hope, and then everything falls apart anyway. It seems like cruel and unusual punishment. This is where I'm at right now.

In my last post I wrote about one of my messy days and how there was one bright spot during the day in which I got a phone call from Jawanio about a summer job. Not only a summer job, but the perfect summer job it seemed because it would start on July 12th and go until Aug. 20th from 8:30am - 2pm. It was perfect hours - it let me sleep in a little longer and gave me plenty of time to pick up Jeremy from camp. It was the perfect days because it allowed me to feel some sense of having a vacation, yet still get a steady paycheck. The unknowns were the exact job responsibilities as well as pay. When I talked to Laura (my HR person) she gave me this woman Gail's extension. I was told that Gail was very excited to meet me and that I'd need to come in soon just to talk things over. When I talked with Gail she made it sound as if we were just having an informational meeting. Later, when I talked with Laura again I was told that the "talk" was actually a formal interview. Laura was convinced that I'd be given the job right then and there and even said that she'd call later in the day to arrange a time for me to pick up some additional forms and to be fingerprinted (yet again). In my mind I had the job - plain and simple.

Or not. The interview was, um, very different than what I expected. Gail's questions all centered on my future goals. "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"and "If you were reinstated by Clarkstown would you return?" (honestly, she already knew the answer to that one) were some of the questions she asked me. In addition, she made the comment that "public school ta's often have a hard time with this job because they're used to sitting all day and having the kids bring them work. They're not used to getting down and dirty with the kids." OK, so I'm not quite sure what to think at this point. And then she tells me that she'll call next week with her decision. Next week?!?! Really? I look at her confused and then tell her about Laura calling me later that night about paperwork. Gail's response? "Well, Laura wants everything done yesterday. I have another person interviewing for the position though....either later today or sometime tomorrow....I can't remember. But it wouldn't be fair to make a decision right now." Another person interviewing?!?!?

Maybe I won't have the "perfect" summer job after all. As if that weren't enough, I had a meeting with my principal on Friday. When I asked her about being rehired in the fall she informed me that everything was based on senority in the district. Being hired in Dec. 2008 doesn't give me a whole lot of senority, so my chances of not coming back just rose. My principal also informed me that I should probably be taking a proactive approach to looking for another job - just friendly advice. She doesn't want to lose me, but she also knows that the odds aren't in my favor. Great...not only may I not have much of an income for the summer, but it's not looking too promising for the fall either.

The thing is I had already been in this position before. I wasn't sure about what I was doing for income during the summer and I already had the conversation about being let go from the school district. Then, I was given hope - the offer of a summer job as well as the budget passing which allowed for less cuts. I feel as though the rug has been swept out from under me.

I don't know for sure what became of the widow and her son. I do know that God answered Elijah's prayers and brought the widow's son back to life. I wonder if she had to endure even more disappointments along the road of life. Honestly, I'm not sure how to deal with disappointment. I know it hurts. I also know that God is good and that He'll continue to provide for me. I just wish I knew what that looked like sometimes.