Nightblindness

Last night Ray was teaching in Florida, NY and I had agreed to pick him up.  He had given me the address the night before, so I went on mapquest and looked it up.  It seemed like a straight enough route: get off the exit, make a left, go six blocks and make a right.  Simple.....

I did just that....sort of.  I made a left off the exit and then started looking for the 6th block on the right.  Except I was in the middle of nowhere - no streetlights, no landmarks, just small green signs that I could barely see and couldn't read because I have nightblindness.  I had to slow the car down, much to the dismay of the people behind me who blew the horn at me several times.  At one point I panicked and turned around to go back to the exit.  All this did was allow one of the not so happy drivers behind me to pull up alongside of me and proceed to curse me out.  I was completely lost - or so I thought.

I ended up calling Ray to tell him of my predicament.  Turns out that I had been going in the right direction all along.  Seems I had mixed up 6 blocks with 6 miles!  I finally arrived at the center where he was working - slightly hysterical from my experience.  It got me thinking though....

There are times when I feel God leading me down a road and I feel so certain of my destination, but then the surroundings become unfamiliar and I can't see what's in front of me.  I wonder why it's taking me so long to get to my destination.  I panic, letting my fear take over.  I turn around and head for safety.  Sometimes I stay in this "safe" place because the fear of the unknown is too paralyzing for me to conquer on my own.  Which is why I desperately need God; it is only with His help that I can navigate these treacherous roads of life.  Whether it's starting a new job, moving to a new place, beginning a new relationship, or having a difficult conversation, I can only persevere by trusting that He knows the way better than I do.

These days I feel like I'm in one of those "safe" places again.  I'm just staying on the side of the road watching the cars pass by; unsure of which direction to take.  And so I pray for wisdom, guidance, and the courage to once again step out and travel the road of faith.

Upsurge

An ordinary day begins
nothing special
nothing tragic.
             Yet stress builds up:
                         pressure rises up like a wave
                             slamming against me with sudden force.
                                                              Anxiety swirls around me;
                                                                a whirlpool of the unknown.
                                                   Nerves, frayed around the edges,
                                                   threaten to completely unravel.
                                                                          Just one word
                                                                          one thought
                                                                         one look
                                                                 is all it takes
                                                    and I come undone
             carried away by the tide of my emotions
                                             into a perilous sea.

                                                               I kick and flail
                                                                      fighting for control;
                                                                       exhaustion takes over.
                                                                                        Starting to sink
                                                                            I utter a prayer of frustration;
                                                                                            "Jesus help me
                                                                                         I can't go on."
                                                                                Closing my eyes
                                                                              I give way;
                                                                surrender my will.

Slowly, subtly, the churning sea calms

and I float with the current.

Basking in the warmth of Your radiant light

You take my hand and together we walk on the waves.

"When you pass through the water, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."   Isaiah 43:2

I finally got my camera to work (sort of).  Turns out that I was missing my memory card before.  Now I just need some new batteries.  Anyway, before the batteries died, I was able to take pics of my new place. 

This is my hallway as seen from my living room.  The door with all the purses/coats is the door to the stairs and the outside.

This is the hallway from as seen from the other side. The cabinet on the right is my kitchen pantry.  Across from the pantry is....

the kitchen.

Now we're entering the livingroom.  Notice the new futon....$150 on craigslist.  Ray was able to position it so that it's more like a loveseat recliner.  It folds down completely to be a queen-size bed.  It's VERY comfortable.  Oh, the side with all of the remotes....yep, that's "Ray's side" :)

I have 4 crawl spaces in my apartment.  Two in the living room and two in the bedroom.  The one pictured here is the only one I leave open because it's a great place for the liter box (even though I do have to crawl into it to clean it).  Ray built a wall to make sure the cats don't explore too much as well as stapled a plastic tarp down.  This makes it easier to sweep up liter and any "accidents" the cats may have.

Yes, my refrigerator is in the livingroom.  Please try not to notice the mess :)

In case you were wondering, I have hit my head very hard on several occasions on the low ceiling. 

This is my very unorganized pantry....it's a work in progress.

God speaks

through pastors and speakers;

In sermons and hymns

on a Sunday morning and midweek services.

God speaks

through the miraculous.

Doubt changes to unwavering belief;

powerful testimonies soften stone hearts.

God speaks

through glorious sunsets,

skies lush with stars,

and caverns carved out of mountains.

God speaks

through the storm;

A rainbow reminding us

His promises are sure.

God speaks

through a comforting presence

in the midst of pain and grief;

a gentle, soothing whisper.

God speaks

through the lyrics of a song,

the laughter of a child,

words from a close friend.

God speaks

Are you listening?

Summer Firsts

This summer has been one in which I've done an array of things for the first time.  These include:

1) Going on a carnival spinning ride (pictured above).  In case you're not familiar with it, this ride swings back and forth like the familiar pirate ship while spinning around.  I went on it at night with Ray because he loves spinning rides.  I think he has permenant marks on his legs from where my fingers dug into him and is now deaf in his right ear from my constant screams.  I survived though:).  I was, however, a little traumatized and refused to go on another spinning ride afterwards.  I think I could handle one a night.  Next challenge: a rollar coaster.


2) Driving to/through Long Island: I've been to Long Island a couple of times, but have never actually driven myself there.  I went for Ray's family's get-together.

3) Eating a lobster tempura sushi roll with chopsticks.  Best thing ever!!!  Once you get it in your mouth that is :).

4) Being in a healthy dating relationship.

5) Making coffee in a 12 cup programmable coffeemaker.  I know, I know....I should have had one of these a LONG time ago.  Previously I either went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee or I made it in a single cup coffeemaker - and not the K-cup kind either.  It had a reusable filter that I had to rinse out each time I wanted another cup, the water never got very hot, and it wasn't programmable.  My mornings have been much improved because of this new addition.

6) Not getting a sunburn and having an actual tan.

7) Being financially stable.  This isn't to say that I'm rolling in money, but this is the first summer that I'm not behind on my rent/bills.  I can't say for sure how long this will last, but for right now I'm loving not being overly stressed about my lack of funds.

Summer

I was really planning on taking pictures of my new place and posting them on here.  Unfortunately my camera's internal memory is full (whatever that means) and since I'm spending $150 to fix my car so that I don't lose control of it on the highway, picture taking will have to wait for a while. 

Instead I thought I'd tell you a little bit about what my summer has been like.  In case you didn't know, I spent the month of June living in a very run-down house in Haverstraw.  Ray worked like crazy - painting, rebuilding a window frame (with the help of our friend Michael), and fixing a ceiling fan.  I cleaned the bathrooms (they were disgusting) and helped remove paint off one of the bedroom floors.  It seems the last tenants didn't understand the purpose of using a drop cloth.  All of this was done to help the woman who owned the house either sell or rent the house again, as well as keeping my rent down to something I could afford to pay.  Even though the house was in bad shape, I actually really enjoyed my time there.  The house was built next to a mountain, so it was quite common for deer to come right up the driveway.  The neighbors were friendly and the neighborhood was conviently located by a Shoprite and CVS.  Plus, once I started seeing the house transform, I began to see its potential and I was rather sad when I had to move again.
The move to New City was hard on many levels.  The apartment was much smaller than I remembered and the hallway was so tight that I couldn't bring my couch.  There were ants in my living room, a screen missing in the bathroom, lightbulbs that needed to be replaced as well as fixtures that needed to be repaired, and another bathroom that wasn't cleaned.  We started moving at 2pm (I had been up since 8:30am) and I didn't get home for the night until midnight.  I was an emotional wreck.   It was also July 4th weekend, which meant that instead of working on my apartment, Ray and I decided to go to a BBQ/fireworks.  Not that the relaxation wasn't much needed, but I have to admit that I was less than enthusiastic to be relaxing when my apartment (and by extension my life) was in such chaos. 
Thankfully most of my boxes have now been put away and my apartment is slowly getting more organized.  It's been tough because this summer I've been working almost 40 hrs a week.  It's been a blessing financially, but it does make it harder to get things done.  Usually I'm up by 7:15am to be at Huntington Learning Center by 9am.  I generally tutor for 4 hours.  My "lunch" consists of running around trying to get whatever errands done that I can do.  By 2:50 I'm on my way to pick up the boys from camp.  Their bus comes in @3:30 and both kids are hot, hungry, and tired.  As soon as we get to their house we take the dog out for a little while, have some snack, and wait for their mom to come home.  Most nights I leave their house by 6:30pm.  Then I meet up with Ray for whatever we're doing that evening.

Things I've Learned from Moving

I've moved many times over the years.  Seven moves in nine years to be precise (after college).  These last two moves, however, were by far the hardest emotionally.  Perhaps this was due to the fact that I didn't really WANT to move, but whatever the reason, here is a top ten list of things I learned about moving these past two months.

1) Realistically I only use maybe 20% of what I own on a daily basis.
2) I need to label boxes more specifically.  Looking through 5 boxes marked KITCHEN and finding the item I need in the LAST box I open isn't very helpful.
3) Moving is always far more time consuming and exhausting than I anticipate.
4) I need to take pictures BEFORE I move all of my stuff in.
5) Measuring the hallway width would have been beneficial.  If I had done that first I would have realized that my couch would never be able fit before moving day.
6) If my friends are less than enthusiastic about my new apartment I will have an emotional breakdown by the end of the night.
7) Don't agree to watch other people's pets during the moving process.  It is quite likely that I will completely forget this new responsibility and end up feeding the cats at 11pm (after my emotional breakdown).
8) Learn to take things one day at a time.  I can only do so much in any given day.  Eventually the chaos will become a distant memory.
9) Moving is stressful on a dating relationship.
10) Birds chirping right outside my window at 5:30am are noisier than a freight train.