Reassured

Sometimes I just need to be reassured. For the past year or so I've been living month to month. Sometimes I've been able to pay all of my rent by the first of the month, but more often than not, I've had to write multiple checks. During those particular months I was constantly thinking about money - how much I still owed my landlords and how much I'd need for bills, followed by how much I had earned towards next months rent. It gets to be a tiresome cycle.

When this first started I became very concerned about how my landlords viewed me. Would they think that eventually I'd stop being able to pay rent altogether? Would they feel like I was taking advantage of them? Personally I started feeling like a failure because I couldn't pay on-time. Being the product of a banker and the church treasurer it was ingrained in me that you pay every bill on-time. I've yet to tell my parents about my rent situation or my credit card situation (that will probably end up being a separate post).

Anyway.....this month is another one of those months where I'm short on my rent by $200 or so. I'll get paid in a couple of weeks and I will pay them the rest, but I've found myself in the cycle again. The summer is quickly approaching and I'm still not 100% certain how I'm going to make enough money to pay the bills. I'm also still uncertain as to my fate in September. At the moment I may be able to get my job back, but I have to wait until May 18th for the public to vote on this new budget proposal. Even then I'm not sure if my job will be given back to me or not.

In the midst of these uncertainties I've often wondered what God is doing. Will things get so desparate financially that I'll be forced to move because I can't pay rent? Where would I move to? Although I often long for something new and to be able to move out of the garage I also know that I have one of the best deals in this part of New York. I know that God will continue to provide for me, but I also know that it may look very different than what I think.

Last night I ran into my landlord. Honestly I've tried to avoid both of my landlords because of my rent situation. I especially try to avoid them the day before rent is due when I have to give them another note along with my check saying that the rest will come in a couple weeks. However, my landlord was in a talkative mood when I met him. He asked me about my job situation (gulp). I was honest with him....it is in the paper after all. He told me that both he and his wife were in similar situations with their jobs. He made a comment about how "fun" it was to "always live life on the edge". I agreed....then told him that if it weren't for my faith I honestly didn't know how I'd get through this rollercoaster. He then asked me how long I'd been living there. Not quite knowing where this was going I responded "It'll be 3 years in August". I also apologized for not always being able to pay my full rent on time. His response "Don't worry about it - you've always been very good about the rent. In fact you've been the perfect tenant and my wife and I are very lucky to have you here." I was really humbled....but it was also the reassurance that I needed that I wasn't going to be asked to leave my home anytime soon.