Why I Still Don't Feel Like a Grown-Up

I seem to have too much time to think.  I guess that's what happens when you're not working much.  Anyway, lately I've been feeling more like a child and less like an adult.  Maybe when I go back to my insane schedule I'll feel like a grown-up again, or at the very least I won't have as much time to think about it! :)

Signs I haven't grown up yet:

- I can sleep in until noon on a Saturday.
- I need my parents' financial support to help pay my bills.
- I still own some of my clothes from high school and can still fit into them.
- If I'm "cooking" for myself chances are I'm eating spaghetti and meatballs.
- If I don't feel like "cooking" chances are I'm eating Chef Boyadee from a can, mac and cheese, soup, or                    
  some sort of frozen dinner.
- I can eat chocolate whenever I want and not have to share.
- I can come home whenever I want to, although if it's after 10pm I usually feel the need to sneak in so that
  I don't wake up my landlady.
- Some days I don't make the bed until the middle of the afternoon.
- I'm still not confident in my curling iron skills or makeup application.  Honestly, if I'm not attending a  
  wedding, chances are I'm not bothering with makeup.
- I still hear the phrases "Can I call you back?  I need to pay the babysitter."  and "Are you going to get your
  degree so you can be a teacher?"
- I'm still scared of the dark, although I've made progress in this area.  I'm not terrified of it anymore :).

The Cooking Miracle

I will be the first one to admit that I don't cook.  While I have been known to actually follow a cooking recipe, the process of cooking is highly stressful.  For example, the first time I made lasagna I remember having to turn the oven off at one point and go back to the store because I realized that I hadn't brought enough of the ingredients that I needed.  When I did cook dinner for myself it usually revolved around chicken....sometimes it was overcooked and sometimes (like the night I invited a friend over for dinner ) it wasn't quite done enough.  Yeah, it's rather embarrassing to have your meal on the plate and start cutting your chicken only to find it still very pink.  Thank goodness for side dishes to start on while you wait for the main dish to be edible!

I also have this need to have to follow the recipe when cooking.  Now I realize that to people who actually enjoy cooking that following a recipe is cheating.  Perhaps this is why I'm such a good baker.  Afterall, you absolutely need to follow those recipes.  It always amazes me to watch Ray cook because he rarely knows what he's going to cook beforehand.  He just buys some meat (he doesn't really care for chicken), throws some spices on it (always a different combo, mind you) and uses whatever other food is around to come up with a creative side dish.  It always tastes amazing!

For some inexplicable reason I found myself buying chicken this week.  I hadn't a clue what I was going to do with it.  Last night, though, I decided that I would break out of my mold of following a recipe.  Ok, in reality any recipe that I had required ingredients not in my apartment and I didn't feel like going to the store to get them.  This predicament forced me to use my creative powers.  I had some Italian breading and a variety of spices.  I decided to throw some breading in a ziplock bag along with oregano, basil, and adobo.  Notice the word throw....I resisted the urge to use some sort of measuring device.  I coated the chicken with egg and then put the chicken in the bag, shook it up, and baked it.

The end result?  I actually managed to cook the chicken, mashed potatoes (from a box), and frozen broccoli all at the same time without having one completely done a half hour before the others.  The chicken was cooked perfectly - white and moist - and tasted delicious!  It was a sheer cooking miracle!

Yep, I still get excited about the little things in life :).

Thoughts on Being Perfect

I had one of those days last week.  You know - the kind of day where everything from getting gas to cooking dinner seems to take forever and you're late for everything and you feel like nothing you do is right? That kind of day.  There is nothing quite like driving down the road and seeing the bus (which had arrived at least 10 minutes earlier than usual) start pulling away while you realize that you have no idea where the boys you are supposed to be picking up are.  Thankfully a very caring mom of one of the other campers had them and everyone was waiting anxiously for me to arrive.  SIGH.  And that was the way the rest of the afternoon and evening went.

Days like this usually send my mind spiraling down with thoughts of what a horrible, messed up person I am. Not that those thoughts ever help the situation.  Usually all they do is stress me out even more.  Last week was a little different though.  Yes, those thoughts still entered my mind and I did beat myself up a little, however, later that night I read a book - a children's book, mind you - about being perfect.  I don't know if you've ever read How to be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days! by Steven Manes, but Ray had recommended it to me and it would be fitting that I would be getting around to reading it on this particular night.

Spoiler alert: In case you really, really, want to read the book for yourself first, it's probably best not to continue reading this post until you're done reading the book.  

We meet the main character at the beginning of the story in a library.  He's tired of always messing things up and disappointing his parents.  As luck would have it, a book practically jumps out at him boasting about how reading it will make one a perfect person in only 3 days.  On the first day, the reader is instructed to wear a crown of broccoli around their necks for an entire day.  On the second day the reader is instructed to not eat or drink anything (except water or weak tea) for the entire day.  Finally, on the last day, the reader is instructed to sit perfectly still and do absolutely nothing.

In case you're wondering, the point of wearing the broccoli was to get the reader over the fear of being publically ridiculed for their actions and the point of not eating, drinking, or doing anything over the next two days was to make the reader understand that in order to be absolutely perfect, you couldn't possibly live any sort of meaningful life.  The conclusion?  A perfect person is boring and no one wants to be around a boring person.

No, I'm not a perfect person.  I often joke that I wear mostly black clothes so that you don't see the coffee and/or chocolate stains, but seriously....it's true!  :D I'm sometimes late for appointments; sometimes I forget things altogether.  I'm sure my posts contain some sort of grammatical/spelling errors and I often don't have the nicest thoughts or words.  I could probably go on...but you get the drift.

That's why it's so important to me that on the days in which my imperfection is more noticeable than others that I remember God's amazing and awesome grace, repent, forgive myself, and move on.  

In the words of Anne of Green Gables "Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it."  And in the words of Paul

"....He who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;..."
                               Philippians 1:6

"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, ²¹ so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."
                       Romans 5:20

Bathroom Renovations

Last July I moved into my current apartment.  Two days before I started moving my possessions in I had a conversation with my landlady about the bathroom.  It seems there had been a leak in the bathroom sink and the plumber had come to fix it.  I thought this was good until I realized that the cold water would barely come out when I turned on the sink.  Simple tasks like washing my hands and face became challenging as burning hot water would start coming out of the sink after a couple of minutes.

Last December the plumber came again because there was a leak in my landlady's bathroom which apparently came from my shower.  It seems that the shower needs to be caulked (actually ALOT more needs to be done with it, but that'll be another story I'm sure).  While the plumber was there I asked if he could take a look at the sink.  His suggestion was to get a new faucet.  Now I haven't seen the plumber since, but my landlady did buy a new faucet, which she kept in her house until I asked on June 30th if she'd allow Ray to install it.  By this time Ray and I were both very tired of getting our hands burnt.

Beginning the process.  The bolts on the sink were so rusted over that Ray had to cut them off.  The sink stayed this way for a day or two.   

The workspace that Ray had.  Now, to give you some perspective, the door opens inwards and Ray is over 6 feet tall.  He had to crawl under the sink cabinets and the floor space is probably only 3-4 feet long.  This was definitely an act of love.

Finally the bolts are off!   Guess what....when Ray was cleaning a bunch of gunk out of the cold water pipe it turned out that a screw (probably from the plumber that came to fix the sink last year) fell into the pipe and was keeping the cold water from coming out.

Yay for a new faucet and drain! 

Oh, did I mention that the pipe underneath the sink was so old that when Ray went to remove the sink the pipe actually started crumbling in his hand?!?  Yep, so he ended up replacing the piping too....with the help of some very good friends who have lots of plumbing experience.

Summer To Do List:


- wake up @9am
- take my time reading devotionals, news articles, favorite blogs, and facebook updates
- clean and organize various aspects of my apartment
- visit and/or call friends and catch up on life
- live without a working bathroom sink while it's undergoing repairs
- eat ice cream on a somewhat daily basis
- write
- go to bed @1am

These are the things that most of my days consist of.  Last summer was a whirlwind of activity as I worked, moved, unpacked, and went on dates with Ray.  This summer seems like the complete opposite.  July hasn't provided much work outside taking care of the boys and while I make decent money doing that, it isn't quite enough (hence why I have a 2nd job) and so I find myself once again holding my breath while I wait to see how God will provide the rent due next week.

This post isn't meant as a means of whining though.  Yes, my life has significantly slowed down and funds are low.  Yes, there are times when I'm bored out of my mind.  Yes, there are times when I berate myself for how unmotivated I feel like being.  However, through this time I am learning the value of slowing life down and being content with what I've been given.  I'm learning how to be refreshed.   After all, it will be all too soon that my days will start early, settle into a chaotic rhythm, and end late; when I'll have difficulty finding time to do the dishes or too tired to put a coherent sentence together and I'll long for these days that I once deemed "boring".

Not Yet - The Teacup Parable

Ray heard this story recently and retold it to me.  Sure enough, I googled the above title and found the following passage.  It seems to be a rather well-known story illustrating why God allows us to go through trials, yet I had never heard it before.  The rendition I was told was slightly different from the original version that you can find on the internet.  In this version the teacup is talking to a lump of clay instead of a couple on their 25th wedding anniversary and the intention is to illustrate the difference between basic faith and a willingness to let God, the Master Potter, work on us as we live out our faith.  I hope it inspires you as much as it did me.

There was once a lump of clay and a beautiful teacup.  The teacup was admired by many people for her beauty.  The lump of clay longed to be like the teacup.  She sighed and said "I wish I could be admired and loved like you!"
“I haven’t always been like this,” the teacup said.

“There was a time when I was a hard, ugly lump of gray clay. No one wanted me….except the Master Potter. One day, He picked me up and began to work me in His strong hands, molding me, pounding me, and rolling me in His grip.

I cried out, ‘Stop that! It hurts! It is too painful! Leave me alone!’

The Master Potter smiled gently and simply said, ‘Not yet.’

Then He put me on a wheel where I began to spin and spin and spin. I felt sick. I felt dizzy. I wanted to slow down. I wanted to get off! All the while as He spun me, He continued to shape me and mold me. I screamed, ‘Let me get off! Stop! Stop!”

But, the Master Potter just smiled and said, ‘Not yet.’

Finally, He took me off of the wheel. As I was admiring my new shape, the Master Potter scooped me up and put me in a large furnace. This oven was hotter than I could have ever imagined. I began screaming!

Help me! I am going to die! I can’t take it! Don’t you love me? I can’t survive this! Get me out!’

But, the Potter just watched through the glass. I saw Him kindly say, ‘Not yet.’

Just when I thought I would be destroyed from the heat, the Master Potter took me out of the furnace. I was relieved until He began to paint me. The paint was horrible. I began to choke on the terrible smelling fumes.

I cried out to the Master, ‘Please, please, please stop!’

He smiled gently and said, ‘Not yet.” And then, He put me BACK INTO THE FIRE!

This second firing was twice as hot as the first. I was certain that I would be destroyed in the heat.

I gasped, “Please let me out!”

The Master Potter simply said, ‘Not yet.’

After what seemed to be eternity, the Master took me out of the furnace and put me on a shelf to cool. It seemed like I waited and waited and waited for an eternity. It was then that I caught a glimpse of myself reflecting in a mirror.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I couldn’t believe how much I had changed.

I was completely new. I was a totally new creation, looking nothing like I did in the beginning. The Master had transformed me. When I was a lump of clay, no one except the Potter would even give me a second glance. Now, after the pounding, the molding, the shaping, the spinning, the heating, the painting, and the waiting, I have become a beautiful, priceless treasure, sought after and desired by many.

I remember that as the Potter gingerly picked me up, He whispered, ‘Now you are what I had in mind when I first began you.’

I knew that I am a treasured possession.”
"Do you still want to become a beautiful teacup?" said the teacup to the lump of clay.

Author Unknown

Oh the Conversations I Have.....

I started watching Jeremy and his brother Justin when they were 7 and 3 years old, respectfully.  I mostly conversed with Jeremy while driving to his many appointments. Ok, so it was primarily Jeremy talking and me nodding my head or occasionally saying things such as "I see" or "cool".   Usually these revolved around him perseverating about a past event or a recitation of baseball stats (usually those of the Yankees) or football stats (he's a Jets fan) depending on the season we were in.  Justin often talked to me about what he was learning at daycare or an episode of the PowerPuff Girls.  Ah, those were the days.......

Now Jeremy is 10 years old and Justin is 6.  While sitting down with Justin during his snack he told me "you shouldn't have some alcohol and then drive.  My camp counselor's son was killed on his motocycle by someone who was drinking and driving."  Thus began a conversation about drinking and driving.  Later, while driving Jeremy to his OT appointment he asked me "What does groping mean?"  When I asked him where he had heard that term he told me that on the news last night it said the police were looking for a teenage boy accused of groping a girl.  Good grief.  On the plus side, it gave me the opportunity to explain why it's really, really important to keep our hands to ourselves (something that has been an issue lately).  Later I got the run-down on which rap stars went to prison and why followed by how various actors and musicians have died or been killed.  As boring as they were at the time, some days I really do miss hearing baseball and football stats.

The last few months have been filled with discussions about why God allows people to have disabilities such as Autism and Touretts Syndrome, along with the importance of not allowing our emotions to control our actions.  Lately all of these conversations have brought to my mind the verse in the Bible talking about how we need to have a ready answer for everyone who asks.  Not that all of my conversations with the boys discuss my faith (although occasionally they do) but they do make it even more apparant to me how my words impact others.  Especially since Jeremy has an uncanny ability to repeat verbatim what I said months later.  More importantly though, I need to make sure that my actions are consistent with my words. 

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Colossians 4:5-6