I'm not the most observant person in the world. In case I had forgotten that point I ran over a stake today....it could have been worse, but yeah, some days I really feel like a dumb blond. Charlie, my mechanic, loves me though :D. I love that Ray not only forgives me for ruining my tire, but also pays for my mistake.
Anyway....all that to say that when I got into my car on Christmas Eve and thought things looked messier than usual and that my cd case wasn't where I thought I had left it, I really didn't think too much about it. I figured that I needed to clean the car out and that the cd case had somehow found its way under the car seat. It also didn't register that maybe I wasn't the one who had messed up the car light or that maybe the aux chord to Ray's phone hadn't been misplaced. That is, until Ray asked me if I had taken my tennis rackets out of the trunk. I had been meaning to do that for weeks, but never got around to it. You see, he found my tennis rackets in some bushes along the side of the road and the aux chord lying in the street not far away. Someone had been through my car the night before. They must have gotten spooked, or realized that I didn't have anything worth taking home. I never did find my cd case. Fortunately they only took the case containing cd's I don't listen to on a regular basis. Those cd's they left.
Somehow I got complacent about my surroundings. On Staten Island I always locked my car, even if it was in the driveway. My neighbor's cars were constantly being broken into and there were several house robberies along my block. I grew up with the fear of being robbed. Then I moved to Rockland. At first I was vigilant about keeping my doors locked - I even had a club on my car at one point. Slowly I let my guard down. I began leaving my doors unlocked at my house and some of my friends' homes. Even though I currently have to park on the street, I still kept my doors unlocked unless there was something of value in the car.
After I realized that keeping my doors unlocked was no longer safe, I began to feel very vulnerable and scared. Even though my doors were locked, I still feared that my car would be broken into. When I told Ray about this he asked me where my faith was. I thought this was an unncessarily cruel question at first. Did he think I had lost my faith in God simply because I was afraid? Not really, but fear is an issue that I have been battling with all of my life. Being afraid is a natural and normal reaction - especially after an incident occurs. Letting fear control you and keep you from living your life is unhealthy though.
This year I started a journal of Bible verses that stood out to me. There were two verses in particular that stood out this week. The first was Psalm 91:14-15 which states " ' Because he loves me', says the Lord, 'I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.' " A couple of days later I read this verse: "God did not give us a spirit that makes us afraid, but a spirit of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) In the New King James Version, the word "self control" is translated as "sound mind". To be of a sound mind means that a person is free from mental disease, which includes anxiety disorders - something I'm very familiar with. God doesn't promise that bad things won't happen to us. Actually, in the book of James it tells us to not be suprised when trials and storms come our way. God does promise to go through those trials and storms with us and that because He is with us, we don't have to live in fear.
I'm not sure what 2012 has in store for me, nevertheless my desire is to not live out the year in fear, but in complete faith that God is with me every step of the way.
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