Playing Catch Up

The last few months have been hectic to say the least.  There's been so much transition both in my personal life and in the classroom that writing has, quite sadly, been pushed to the side.  I'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging, but I can't guarantee anything.  For now I'll try to give you a glimpse into my life.

Awesome News

Let's start with the good news....Ray started working a full time job on April 1st!  He's working for a company that opened a satellite office in Clifton, NJ as their IT person.  He commutes an hour and a half or so by train each way and usually is at work by 7:30am.  Since this isn't what he primarily studied in school he's also taking training classes at least once a week and often works during the weekends on projects.  The pay is reasonable for a start up position and the company has even agreed to reimburse him for his travel expenses (a monthly train pass costs $240) and training expenses!

Crazy School News

After 3 years of working as a teaching assistant I received tenure from the district.  Unfortunately I was one of the first employees to end up with the dreaded stomach flu and couldn't make the ceremony.  After being out sick for three days it was nice to come back to kids and staff who missed me so much.  Sometimes I go through my days wondering if I make a difference in the classroom, so feeling appreciated was a much needed blessing.

The teacher I was working with went on maternity leave at the beginning of March.  One of the other assistants took her maternity leave.  In addition we've had a student teacher, a student we tried mainstreaming return to our room for the full day, and a new aide working with us.  It's been a little stressful dealing with all the new people.  The teacher is returning from leave next week, so yet another adjustment will need to be made by both students and staff.

Looking Towards the Future

After discussing the current job market in education with many people I've learned that the principals around here are only looking at resumes with 3 or more certifications.  I only have two.  After much prayerful consideration I've decided to go back to grad school in the fall.  Long Island University is offering a 21 credit Advanced Certificate in Special Education for people who already have at least one teaching certificate and master's degree.  I'm still waiting on a few items to submit, but if all goes well I'll start classes in September.  This means that I'll be quitting my babysitting job - along with the helpful off the book income it provides.  Don't ask me how I'm going to pay for this because I honestly don't know.

Prayer Requests

- timing and wording for how to break the news of going to grad school to the mom of the boys I babysit.
- financial provision for grad school.
- ability to have more quality time with Ray.
- my position for next year.  At the very least I'll still have my current job (that's a guarantee) but the special ed program is being rearranged so I may be working in the autistic class, the learning disabled class, or the emotionally disturbed class.  There will be two classes in each classification and four of those classes will be held in different buildings.  I'm not sure where I'd prefer to be quite honestly.

Things I'm Thankful For Today

Today the class was incredibly calm and relaxed.  The one temper tantrum that did happen was very mild compared to what it could have been.  After enduring a month of non-stop horrific temper tantrums, it was a welcomed breath of fresh air.

The boys I babysit were extremely cooperative.  I even got to play a board game with the 1st grader.  I can't remember the last time he ever wanted to play anything with me.  Normally by the time he comes home from school he's in a bad mood and only wants to fight with his brother.

I was productive with my chores at home.

I cooked chicken and it didn't come out raw/bloody.  Unfortunately the raw/bloody outcomes happen more often than I'd like.

My car still runs :).  Next week I have an appointment with my mechanic to check out all of the warning lights that have been coming on.

I'm still healthy!  So far I haven't succumbed to the stomach flu.

My checking account still has money in it...for now :).

My apartment is warm.

My cats are healthy.  Jekyll had a bad fever/virus last month.

Reflections on Sandy

Outside my bedroom window.  It's hard to see, but you may notice the tree trunk going through part of the fence,

Tree in my driveway.

One of the trees that fell on my neighbor's house.

House down the block.

The tree that closed part of my road.  Unfortunately there's usually no signs indicating a closed road until you practically hit a tree.

I've been reflecting on this past week.  It's been unusual, that's for sure.  I hardly had to go to work, roads that I used be able to drive on were closed, traffic lights didn't work, I didn't have electric or internet, and finding gas felt like I was going on a treasure hunt.

Things I'm Thankful For

I still have my apartment and my car; my family on Staten Island is doing ok despite the lack of power; I got a much needed break from work; my power was restored after only 4 days; even without power I could still take a hot shower; there were places that provided free coffee and internet; I had filled up my tank right before the storm hit so I didn't actually need gas until Sat; and it wasn't too cold at night.

Things I Regret

Freaking out about not having any power.  I've never been a fan of the dark or the unknown, so the thought of sitting alone in my dark apartment reading by a flashlight, not knowing when things were going to get back to "normal" got old very quickly.  The first two nights weren't so bad because my landlady and her family were downstairs.  Although we don't really get along, the thought that someone else was in the house offered some comfort.  The next two nights I didn't hear anyone until they came home @4am.  Ray wasn't as sympathetic as I would have liked during this time, so by Thurs night I was on the verge of a meltdown.  In the grand scheme of things, not having electric was the least of anyone's problems.

Things I Learned

Next time I will try to have a better attitude about not having electricity.  I also learned to keep my dairy products in the freezer so that they may last longer.  I'm hoping that by the time the next storm comes I'll be able to afford some battery powered lanterns and a battery powered am radio.  Maybe next time I'll also try to divide my time better.  Only relying on Ray's family can be draining for everyone.

From Chaos to Calmness

Working in a special needs classroom has its challenges.  Working with a nonverbal autistic child who is not happy can be overwhelmingly frustrating.  This past Tues and Wed, J. had major meltdowns at lunch and when I say major meltdown I mean that one moment he seems fine and the next he's jumping up and down, screaming, and trying to scratch and bite anyone who's around.  Now I am very familiar with handling one of J's meltdown in the classroom.  Usually I know exactly why he's melting down and can get him away from people and calmed down after several LONG minutes.  A meltdown in the cafeteria is harder to deal with because the space is significantly larger, there are far more people around, and the other assistant I was working with doesn't have a clue as to how to handle these situation.  In these sorts of situations my two main goals is to keep everyone close to J as safe as possible and to get Kerri (his teacher for the past 4 years).  I knew we were in trouble when J went to bite Kerri several times on Wed.  During the past 3 years I have NEVER seen him try to bite her as she's pretty much his second mom.  Even Kerri didn't know what was wrong with J.

By the end of Wed I was more than exhausted.  As soon as I got in my car after school the tears started.  I felt completely hopeless and I really didn't want to go to work the next day.  In fact, I wasn't even sure I wanted to continue working with kids.  It was just one of those days.  I started praying - praying for clarity, for J to be calm, cooperative, and peaceful, for continued protection, and for a renewed passion.

Thursday morning J came into school calmly and things seemed to going as smoothly as possible.  I went to lunch and when I came back it was recess time for the kids.  I learned that while I was gone J had another tantrum.  As we were coming in from recess one of the assistants noticed that J had blood smeared on his cheek.  At first we thought that maybe during his tantrum he had injured himself.  After further inspection we realized that J had lost a tooth.  The loose tooth was what had been bothering him all along.  He had been trying to tell us by occasionally putting our hands on his cheek and his meltdowns were always after he ate something hard or chewy.  Unfortunately we don't always connect the dots :(.

For the remainder of Thursday, both J and I were ecstatic!  In fact, J was even able to mimic "Oh yeah!" in the exact pitch and tone that the OT used.  By the end of Thursday, all of my prayers had been answered :).

Notable News

It's been a month since my last post because, quite honestly, I've been too tired to construct sentences.  I'm not even sure how to describe my life right now - it's far from dull, that's for sure!  Yesterday we had a ton of rain, which meant that Thursday was unofficially labeled Temper Tantrum Thursday due to pretty much every student losing it at some point during the day.  In case you're wondering, the day before a major storm brings barometric changes which seems to affect autistic children more than others.  Thankfully only one child had a tantrum in which he flipped a table over.  Not a desk, mind you, but one of those round tables where five of six students can work at.  Yep, it was that sort of a day.  Thankfully no one was hurt.

Anyway....I have some great news to announce!!!  The first is that this week I finished paying off the last of my credit card debt.  I started accumulating credit card debt shortly after leaving HeadStart in the summer of 2008.  I think at its max, I was @$2,500 in debt.  This may not sound like alot, but when you are maybe making $1500 a month ($950/975 of which is rent), paying off a credit card seems impossible.  God, however, can overcome the impossible.  Over the past 4 years He has shown me how to come up with a plausible monthly plan for paying off the debt, given me the opportunity to transfer my balance to 0% interest cards, and provided extra funds in order to pay off the balance faster.  I am very happy to not have this burden anymore and look forward to hopefully put the money that I've been using for payments into my savings account.

The second announcement is that my brother got engaged this week :).  The wedding will be sometime next June in the Baltimore area.

Another School Year Begins...

I thought I was going to be working with the same teacher and assistants this year but have different students.  Instead I have the same students, but I'm working with a different teacher and assistants. The change was made because our nonverbal autistic student needs a one to one aide and apparently I was chosen for this task. It was a rather stressful transition.  I like the people I'm working with, but they're very different than what I'm used to.  Since the students are now in 2nd and 3rd grade we're focusing more on academics and less on social skills. This was hard because the students really need the social skills component and my nonverbal student isn't capable of academic work.  Instead he needs to focus on learning how to communicate via an ipad and we still need to try and reinforce as much speech as we possibly can.  We worked on getting him to say "eat" last year.  He sometimes remembers how to do that.  He also remembers how to make the sound of "m" when asking for milk.  Thankfully with some adjustments to the schedule and curriculum things are going smoother this week.  My student and I can also go back to the other class whenever he needs a sensory break and I just need a few moments of sanity :).

BTW, when I mean sanity I mean going and seeing the new autistic student we have who screams in the presence of loud noises, will randomly stand up with his pencil to "practice his golf swing", finishes his work by saying "Thanks for playing! Come again next time!", and who has literally thrown himself on my lap to giggle hysterically into my neck when he sees something funny on the computer screen.  He keeps me laughing, that's for sure!

The Chair

Most Thursday nights you will find me at small group Bible study.  A few weeks ago we were at one of our leaders' apartments.  We were just sitting around and talking when all of a sudden the chair that one of the guys had been sitting on just collapsed from under him and he fell to the floor.  This guy didn't have a weight problem and hadn't been doing anything unusual with the chair so it was a mystery as to why the chair just broke apart.  The guys were going to throw it out but I convinced them to let me take it with to show Ray.  I figured if anyone could put the chair back together he could - and he did.

After inspecting the broken chair pieces, Ray determined that the chair had been broken once before and that whoever had put it back together the first time had drilled screws into the wood.  It seemed like a good temporary solution, however, what actually happened was that the screws weakened the wood.  It was only a matter of time before the wooden legs gave away again.

This made me think:  How many times have I been broken and tried to fill the hole in my heart with something that seemed good but were only temporary solutions such as alcohol, tranquilizers, and sex.  Sure, I seemed fine on the outside but my inside was crumbling and it was only a matter of time before I broke down again.  The only permanent solution to filling that hole was by turning to Christ, repenting, and remaining focused on Him.  This doesn't mean that I'm perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it does mean that when I fail or when life seems hopelessly overwhelming that I can focus on Christ and be strengthened by Him.  I may bend, but HE will NEVER let me be broken beyond repair.  After all, HE's the master carpenter!

"A bruised reed He will not break,
And smoking flax He will not quench;"

Isaiah 42:3

"He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake."

Psalm 23:3