This was my office last year. It was a place where kids came to work in a quiet place on reading or writing activities. Sometimes it was a safe place for them to have emotional breakdowns or a place that I could retreat too when I was close to an emotional breakdown. Most of the students were on the 3rd floor and my office was on the 2nd floor. Sure, it got real loud with the public school middle school students always banging against the door and it didn't have any windows, but it had a private bathroom. In a world obsessed with finding a "safe space" this was mine. I had one office mate and half the time she was off-site. The school I work at is moving to a brand new building sans 5th and 6th grade (middle school). I was given the position of middle school interventionist and told that I would get to keep my office as I will need it to hold IEP meetings, etc.
Less than a week before the teachers were to return to school an email was sent out informing us that the new building had some unforeseen delays and that no one would be able to move in until October 10th. Thankfully the school was already renting space at an additional school which can house k-2 and my current school will house 3-6th. When I arrived for the start of orientation my office mate informed me that a decision had been made to move me out of the office and back into the classroom. This doesn't mean that I'm back to being a classroom teacher, but it means that I now have a desk and cabinet (maybe) within a large 5th grade classroom. The rationale for this decision was that the related services (speech, OT, counseling) would be utilized for a classroom or something and that my move was temporary. No one knew when this was happening but since the classroom that I was moving into was being used as our orientation training room I figured (wrongly) that the move wouldn't happen until we were in the process of setting up classrooms. Even so I began to pack up the contents of my desk into boxes.
What I didn't know until last Friday were the following: my current desk and cabinet needed to be thrown out. Supposedly I will be given a new desk and I can utilize one of the cabinets in the classroom. Also, this is a permanent move as my immediate supervisor wants me "more visible" and she felt that it would be an embarrassment for middle school students to be pulled out of class for intervention (even though it seems every kid is jealous of the ones who get pulled to spend time with me).
I tried to take 2 pieces of furniture with me during the move - my chair and a bookcase. I was able to keep the chair, however, when my supervisor saw the bookcase she said that it had to be thrown out. I seriously wanted to cry and I'm not entirely sure why. Very little of what I moved is personally mine. Still, my entire morning routine has been completely disrupted. My computer and phone are both disconnected and being stored in the closet. My old office is completely in shambles and has a bunch of new furniture in it. This was far from the plan.
I've been watching news footage of the devastation in Texas from hurricane Harvey and again I've wanted to cry because I've had a glimpse of what it's like to have your world turned upside down and for your "safe space" to suddenly disappear. I have empathy for those who are returning to their homes only to find an empty shell - possessions scattered all over the place or completely obliterated.
The phrase "this world is not my home" comes to mind because none of this is guaranteed. There is this danger of places and possessions becoming idols in our lives and often I don't realize it until something is taken away and this emotion wells up in me that wants to cry "I deserve this! Why is this being taken away from me?". I've been doing lots of reflection and have come to the conclusion that I need to once again lay down my dreams and desires to God and hold loosely to what seems "safe" in my life - routine, my house, my office, etc and instead cling to God because only He is my true safe space.
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