Lately, I've been thinking alot about words. When I'm writing poetry I pay extra attention to the words I use. I double, and even triple check emails I write to make sure my words are spelled correctly and make sense. When speaking to children I try to be mindful of the words I use, especially when disciplining them, so that they don't feel like failures.
Why is it then that I allow negative and destructive words to be spoken by me about who I am? A few weeks ago I was having an issue with my car insurance company. To make a long story short I owed them a large sum of money because I hadn't been paying my bills. The payments were supposed to have come directly out of my paycheck, but they hadn't. I was frustrated with the situation and kept berating myself by saying "I'm not good with finances". It was pointed out to me that if I kept speaking that lie over myself that it would come true and be part of who I am.
The truth is that I am pretty good with finances. I don't make alot of money, but I usually pay my bills on time and am disciplined in how I spend it. That's not to say that there aren't times when I spend my money unwisely or been so busy that I forget to pay my car insurance. That doesn't make me a failure at finances though. The same is true with anything else in life. There are times when I'm really organized and have my apartment spotless, say the right thing at the right time, drive the speedlimit and follow all other driving laws, make it ontime to work, and have extreme patience with people and situations. There are many other times, however, when my life seems chaotic and there's a ton of clutter everywhere in my apartment, my bed wasn't made, I'm late to work, I say the wrong thing, I don't exactly follow all of the driving rules, and my patience is wearing thin or nonexistent. Occasionally that happens all in one day. :-(
It is at those times when I'm not quite living up to my self-imposed expectations that I struggle with negative self-talk. The danger comes when those negative thoughts take over the truth. The truth is that although I will never get it all right every single minute of the day, God loves me and delights in me. My goal through this coming month is to remember that every time I believe I've messed something up instead of dwelling on my negative self talk.
“You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you.” Isaiah 43:4
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