Today I find myself re-reading a post I wrote about a year ago and thinking to myself "Was my life really like THAT?"
To recap, a year ago...
I was an assistant teacher living paycheck to paycheck without any summer income.
Was stressed out by my husband's behavior, admission of sin in our marriage, and lack of a steady job.
Was contemplating starting an intensive spiritual course through my church and Alliance Theological Seminary.
Was getting ready to host a birthday party for Ray even though our marriage was rocky and our finances dismal, at best.
Had no idea my mom had a brain tumor although I knew something was very wrong with her health.
Was getting ready to say good bye to a dear friend as she moved to Florida.
Still struggling with my diagnosis of infertility, all the while grateful that we never had children because of the poor state our marriage was in.
Those days were long and hard. I hated the nights where I was up fretting and trying to spy on my husband who had decided that barricading himself inside his office downstairs until the early hours of the next morning was better than spending time with me. It was a pattern I grew to hate. Shortly after dinner he would retreat to his man-cave and would only resurface for coffee. Sometimes he would surface when we watched movies. I was never allowed inside his man-cave. When I would say good-night he would stand in the doorway, kiss me, and walk away.
Depressing and lonely.
On the bright side, Ray agreed to go to Christian counseling with me. We'd continue to fight, but this time we had some tools to work with.
I spent my summer days searching for teaching jobs. In late August I found one in the Bronx where the mission of the school resonated with me. I applied and shortly got called for an interview, which resulted in an offer to teach 4th grade! While this new adventure excited me, it also scared me because I wasn't sure how this job would impact my marriage.
Fast forward 10 months....
I completed an amazing first year of teaching with perfect attendance and was promoted to Reading Interventionist!
My marriage is stronger than ever. In fact, Ray hasn't gone into his man-cave after dinner since I started teaching. Even though he still hasn't found steady work, he seems less stressed and actually enjoys spending time with me.
I completed my first year of Empower, which was by far the most work I've ever had to complete in either college or graduate school!
Helped to support my family when my mom found out she had a benign brain tumor followed by two surgeries.
Am considering becoming a foster parent.
I don't write this to boast about my own abilities to create this new life that I have. There were many days where I wanted to quit, where the negative thoughts ran loudly through my mind, where I saw only failure instead of progress.
BUT GOD!
God has extended his grace and brought us to this point of peace and rest. God has given me great favor at my school with not only co-workers but with administration as well. God gave me the strength I needed to make it to work everyday, to take on teaching the entire class when my co-teacher called out, to create lesson plans on the weekends in addition to going to class once a month and writing numerous papers. Even when I wasn't able to turn in all of my papers on time, God still gave me the ability to persevere and the grace of extended deadlines so that I could actually graduate Empower in one year instead of two. Despite all of the complications with my mom's tumor, I could see God working.
I feel as though I've climbed a mountain and have reached a peak. As I look back on these past 10 months I can only stand in awe and say "Great is Thy faithfulness!" I don't know what the journey to my next mountain holds in store, but for now I'm going to rest before I embark.
our backyard 2 years ago
our backyard today